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Garden Of Madness

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Wed, 2023-04-19 01:29

She walks in the garden of madness

She has not a single tear in her eyes

She smiles every time you see her

She hides her sadness; she never cries

She sees her future out before her

It does not look all that very bright

There is only darkness around her

The Sun always hides from her sight

She taps into her illusions inside

She lives them like they were the truth

She uses them to cover up her scars

A salve she uses to make her soothe

She always is looking down at her feet

As in the garden of madness, she walks

Although she walks in it all by herself

She always has the best of talks

Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Wed, 2023-04-19 01:29

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Garden of Madness" paints a vivid picture of a person who is struggling with sadness and illusions. The imagery used to describe the garden is bleak, with darkness surrounding the protagonist and the sun hiding from her sight. Despite this, she puts on a brave face and smiles, never shedding a tear.

The use of repetition in the first and last lines of the poem is effective in creating a sense of continuity and inevitability. The message seems to be that the protagonist is trapped in this garden of madness, and there is no escaping it.

However, the poem could benefit from some added depth and complexity. While the protagonist's struggle is clearly described, there is little exploration of the causes or consequences of her madness. Additionally, the use of cliches such as "she never cries" and "the best of talks" detracts from the originality of the poem.

One suggested line edit could be to replace "She has not a single tear in her eyes" with "Her eyes are dry, but her heart is heavy." This would add a layer of emotion to the description of the protagonist, and hint at the depth of her struggle.

Overall, "Garden of Madness" is a solid poem with some powerful imagery, but could benefit from further exploration and originality.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Wed, 2023-04-19 09:13

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the AI understands rhyme. Maybe it is of the new school of poetry? ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Depressed 1

Thu, 2023-04-20 04:56

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I agree Geezer

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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