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DAYS OF INNOCENCE

Submitted by Sheddie on Sun, 2023-09-17 17:39

In the years of crawls,
Tender feets grooming innocently,
A realm of peace and quiet.
Little minds sad playing,
A life worth living, peacefully lived
'Cheers' and 'cheese' sang our worship
To grow was anew,
In joy we broke biscuits
Never apart, dining as one

How soon does memory dwindle,
Insanity creeping in,
To love now bitters the heart,
Cut a piece into pieces,
And life's 'lofty heights' will you attain
Playmates now playing altars,
Plenty to spend, little to love,
Who sent enmity to interact?
And folly to play mind games?
The dreams in many memories,
Are covered in memorial evil,
Change is said to be dynamic
Lo, dynamic turned against change.

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Editing stage: 
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Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week September 17th to September 23rd 2023
Content level: 
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2023-09-17 23:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Days of Innocence" captures the contrast between the carefree, innocent days of childhood and the complexities and challenges of adulthood. The imagery and language used effectively convey the theme of the poem. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened:

1. Structure and Flow: Consider organizing the poem into stanzas to create a more structured flow. This can help guide the reader through the progression of ideas and emotions. Additionally, pay attention to the rhythm and meter of the poem to ensure a smooth and consistent flow.

2. Clarity and Precision: While the poem contains vivid imagery, some lines could benefit from more clarity and precision. For example, the line "Insanity creeping in" could be expanded upon to provide a clearer understanding of the speaker's emotions and experiences.

3. Metaphorical Language: The poem utilizes metaphors such as "playing altars" and "memorial evil" to convey deeper meanings. Consider further developing and exploring these metaphors

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Geezer

Mon, 2023-09-18 11:17

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right from the start, I did not see the relationship between the infant/child and the "challenges of adulthood." Be that as it may, you did make some vivid imagery and I think that as you look it over, you will find that if one doesn't know what the relationship between the "Days of Innocence', and the supposed adulthood, you would just have a nice load of ambiguity. ~ Geezer.
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