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TO LOVE......

Submitted by Sheddie on Thu, 2024-02-15 01:35

To love like the golden sun,
Showering care on the weakened moon,
Two to one, everyone comes alive,
Together we breathe, every tear, every run,
To love for love, that's the way to love.

To love like the rain,
Kissing every face and name, no matter the case,
Everything knowing its cause, stainless, pure,
Beauty blossoms in hearts, not visions, nor gain,
To love for love, that's the miracle of love.

To love like mother earth,
Embracing laughter, lashes, success, struggles,
Everyone equal, a ladder for a brother,
In darkness, hope remains alive, blessed,
To love for love, that's the only cure.

To love like a life in love,
Always bringing reasons to smile, enjoying every moment,
Good people, great times, happy souls, happy memories,
Loving and being loved in return, bliss rising above,
To love for love, that's a dream come true.

Review Request (Intensity):

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Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

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Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Neopoet Weekly 02/11/24 to 02/17/24

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-02-15 07:40

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "TO LOVE......" explores the theme of love through various metaphors and comparisons. The imagery used, such as the golden sun, rain, and mother earth, effectively conveys the idea of love as a nurturing and unifying force. The repetition of the phrase "To love for love, that's..." creates a strong sense of emphasis and reinforces the central message of the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more specific and concrete examples or descriptions to enhance the reader's engagement with the poem. For instance, instead of using phrases like "everyone equal" or "good people, great times," consider providing specific instances or anecdotes that illustrate these ideas. This would make the poem more vivid and relatable.

Additionally, consider varying the rhythm and structure of the poem to add more musicality and flow. Experimenting with different line lengths or incorporating poetic devices such as enjambment or alliteration could enhance the overall aesthetic appeal of the piece.

Overall, "TO LOVE......

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Geezer

Thu, 2024-02-15 11:39

I think that...

in order for a repetitive phrase to work, it needs a certain amount of explanation. In your metaphors, you manage to do that.
Your title could be a little bit more... It seems kind of drab and lifeless. How about, "Living to Love"?
I understand that "To Love", might seem rather mundane for those that do not see the horror and devastation,
the fear that there will never be a way out. I will wish you and your country well. Hang in there, do not give up. ~ Geezer.
.

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Sheddie

Sat, 2024-02-17 01:08