The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

This poem is a powerful and emotional depiction of a family crisis. The use of short, choppy sentences and fragmented thoughts effectively conveys the urgency and chaos of the situation. The imagery of the open skylight and the plank adds to the sense of danger and desperation.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. The use of slang, such as "tizz" and "up to no good," feels out of place and detracts from the serious tone of the poem. Additionally, the line "Around his neck hed slung a rope!" feels heavy-handed and almost melodramatic.

One suggested line edit would be to change "Mums getting herself all in a tizz" to "Mother frets and worries in a tangle." This maintains the sense of anxiety and urgency without the use of slang.

Overall, "Crisis" effectively captures the intensity of a family emergency and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I wouldn't change the slang; I was comfortable with it and understood it immediately. Not forgetting that this is a child that has
seen their father's attempted suicide and the obvious shame connected with it, I would understand that the line:
"Around his neck, he'd slung a rope" would be heavy-handed and melodramatic, because it was! The "Up to no good" would be a thing that a wife might say, who is dreadfully tired of watching her husband in the throes of depression and feeling as though she has been saddled with another burden besides having to manage on her own. This is a poem that manages to let the reader know that; not only the husband and wife been affected, but the child also. I wish that more attention had been paid to the meter and it was smoother, but I think that if one would pay attention to removing the excess words, without losing the meaning, it can be tamed.
Examples:

We can hear his frantic footsteps on the floor.

We hear his footsteps on the floor

"Up the stairs we go"

Up the squeaking stairs we go

Mums getting herself in an awful tizz

Mum's got in an awful tizz

'Cos Dad's having a turn
and he's in crisis

Dad's had a turn, he's in crisis

I think that you can see where this is going, trying to keep
the beat, while not losing any of the information. Reading aloud helps immensely.
A good piece that just needs a little work, I like it!
Welcome to Neo.
~ Geezer.
.

Sarah, what a heartfelt poem. I can imagine how hard it was for you to write, pulling those memories from your childhood. The language used was familiar and allows the poem to be frantic, passionate and urgent. The slang terms added depth to the poem, they're the important and necessary parts of your voice. Great poem.

Greetings, Sarah,
You've captured the anxiety of the crisis very well. I agree that the language is age appropriate, especially for the circumstance. Thank you for sharing such a profound poem. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Welcome to Neopoet!
Lavender