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The Christmas Tree's up !
The Christmas tree's up!
Everyone's feeling jolly
On the door outside
Hangs a wreath made of Holly
The Christmas tree's up!
But there's glass on the floor
The tables turned over
And there's blood on the door
The windows been smashed
the room is a wreck.
And Mum's wearing a collar
that covers her neck
The Christmas tree's up!
We were full of elation
Now just sat on the stairs feeling deflation.
We've just witnessed Santa going off to the station.
The Christmas tree's up!
But the police are here
They gave mum a tissue
to wipe her tears.
He nodded his head as he wrote it all down
His face looked all sad
and I'm starting to frown.
But The Christmas tree's up?
We should be filled up with glee
Even the neighbours have come to see!
The tree in the window
With lights all a glow.
So the Christmas tree's up
But you'd never know.
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What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-07-13 00:22
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem uses a juxtaposition of the festive spirit of Christmas with a darker, more somber event. The repetition of "The Christmas tree's up!" serves as a stark reminder of the contrast between the joyous occasion and the tragic incident that unfolds.
The poem could benefit from a more consistent meter. The rhythm is somewhat disrupted in lines such as "The windows been smashed the room is a wreck" and "He nodded his head as he wrote it all down". Consider revising these lines to maintain a consistent rhythm throughout the poem.
The narrative could be clearer. The poem hints at a tragic event, but the details are vague. It might be beneficial to provide more context or detail to help the reader understand what has happened.
The final line "But you'd never know" is somewhat ambiguous. If it's meant to imply that the tragedy is hidden by the festive decorations, it might be more effective to make this more explicit. For example, "But beneath the festive glow, you'd never know".
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more vivid imagery. While there are some descriptive elements, such as "the tree in the window with lights all a glow", more detailed descriptions could help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Wed, 2023-07-12 18:49
Christmas in July...
Daytime TV and the romance channel! [My wife watches those Christmas In July movies]. You need to watch your tenses here; [just sit]. ~ Geezer.
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