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Silent Movie

They are trapped in photographs now
glimpses of moments
only a few know the places
dates and times
No recordings
except what plays in her mind
There was a time
she'd phone the landline
just to hear her voice
She never left a message
she knew there was no point
Maybe if she gathered up
those photos
Laid them
end to end
She could flick through them
a movie
to play pretend
Sadly
The ending would be the same.

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Silent Movie

In "Silent Movie," the poem explores themes of memory, loss, and the passage of time. The poem effectively uses imagery and structure to convey the speaker's emotions and thoughts. Here are some suggestions for improvement and points to consider:

1. Imagery: The poem uses powerful imagery, such as "trapped in photographs" and "phone the landline," to evoke a sense of nostalgia and longing. To strengthen the imagery, consider adding more sensory details to help the reader connect with the emotions and experiences described in the poem. For example, you could describe the texture of the photographs or the sound of the landline ringing.

2. Structure: The poem uses a free verse structure, which allows for flexibility in line length and rhythm. However, some lines could be restructured to improve the flow and readability of the poem. For instance, consider breaking up the line "No recordings / except what plays in her mind" into two separate lines to create a more balanced structure.

3. Clarity: The poem's narrative is somewhat ambiguous, which can be an effective technique for evoking a sense of mystery and intrigue. However, some readers may find it difficult to fully engage with the poem without a clearer understanding of the relationship between the speaker and the subject. Consider providing more context or backstory to help the reader better understand the emotions and experiences being explored in the poem.

4. Ending: The poem concludes with a sense of resignation, as the speaker acknowledges that the outcome would be the same even if they were to create a "movie" from the photographs. This ending effectively reinforces the themes of loss and the passage of time. To further enhance the impact of the ending, consider using more evocative language or imagery to convey the speaker's emotions and the inevitability of the outcome.

Overall, "Silent Movie" is a poignant exploration of memory and loss that effectively uses imagery and structure to convey the speaker's emotions. By incorporating the suggestions above, the poem can be further strengthened and refined.

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A straightforward but still provoking conclusion. I really like the idea. Don't know how intentional it is but the fragmented lines are snapshot-esque which ties in with the subject of the photos.

raffy

Thankyou for your comments x I like that it came across fragmented ...in a snapshot ..wasn't really intentional just the way the poem formed in my mind x

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