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Challenge Sleep Talk from my lover

Submitted by Hon on Fri, 2023-05-05 17:21

What If I could...
be rain to refresh you
with a small drop of hope
to wash away the sadness of say
be a rainbow after
the April shower to create
a colorful scenery in your paint
to bring a shining light into
your life with an ebullient smile
entertain you with a melody song
to cheer you on the dancing toes
bring you a magic wand
to grant what your heart
is wishing for
ease away the sorrowful day
to embrace you in a delightful way
To set you free from suffering
with a burden of pain
I would do it for you in no time
because I love you
more than life itself

Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
May 2023 Challenge Sleep Talk From My Lover
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Fri, 2023-05-05 17:21

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Challenge Sleep Talk from my lover" is a heartfelt expression of love and devotion. The speaker expresses a desire to be everything their lover needs, from rain to refresh and wash away sadness, to a rainbow to create colorful scenery. The poem is filled with vivid imagery and metaphors that effectively convey the speaker's desire to bring joy and happiness into their lover's life.

One potential issue with the poem is the excessive use of clichés and overused phrases. For example, the line "to bring a shining light into your life" feels generic and lacking in originality. However, the poem's overall sentiment and message are still powerful and moving.

One suggested line edit is to change the line "entertain you with a melody song" to "serenade you with a melody song." This change not only adds more depth to the imagery but also elevates the language and makes it more poetic.

Overall, "Challenge Sleep Talk from my lover" is a touching love poem that effectively conveys the speaker's devotion and desire to make their lover happy. With a few minor tweaks to the language, the poem could be even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

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