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Bonfire

Submitted by Indivisible_Origin on Wed, 2023-01-25 21:42

Remind me once more
What a man is for
So I know what to forget
Build with me a bonfire
The bones are here but brittle
We are each just a set of impressions
Made and had
Paper soldiers
Biding time on the back page
Burn not the effigy
When the blood you spilled
Was for the man in me
The little lives you traded
For the one we couldn’t make
Paint a picture of a lonely life
I can't make due with holy
Having trafficked in sin
I'll not settle for silence
When I've earned an amen

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Indivisible_Origin

Thu, 2023-01-26 20:16

Thank you,

Kat. Thank you for reading and feeling along with me here. Yah, pain, I do ok in that department but all it takes is a proper dose of perspective to knock that idea on its ass, eh? Meantime it's nice to make some nice shape of it in the end. I tried that here.

Thanks,

author comment

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-01-26 07:13

dear IO,

you have done it again...given me chills. I would love to hear this spoken, read out loud. you should do readings of your poetry!

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Indivisible_Origin

Thu, 2023-01-26 20:21

Chills

Man I love that. Chills from reading something. I am hooked on that feeling. If I could just find a way to bottle that feeling I'd be a blubbering addict in a puddle on the couch in no time! Maybe it's best I set my aspirations on decent approximation and just keeping on with words like this. I'm so glad you liked it. I am a fan of reading work aloud. In my writing group we had a regular online meetup to read famous works, each others and our own. I found this (hadn't used the site for over a year now) but it is all poetry. It is all me reading. Mostly my writing commrades' pieces but some of mine. Vermillion Red is in there near the end. https://clyp.it/user/d3u0jfg2 I will need to figure out uploading again and I can read this one at some point.

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2023-01-26 10:11

This is...

maybe a message; meant for a specific person or group.
I think I get the part about:

"I can't make due with holy
Having trafficked in sin
I'll not settle for silence
When I've earned an amen."

No matter the audience, this gives pause for thought, and I think it may apply to many situations.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-01-26 15:23

Lament

Many of your works are dripping with this lamentation. Something has been lost, something fundamental,something different for each one of us, perhaps, it never existed, perhaps we are excluded from it.

Tim

Indivisible_Origin

Thu, 2023-01-26 19:38

Apt

I'd say so. It makes me quite a peach in mixed company I assure you. :)

Thank you for reading,

author comment

Neopoet

Bonfire