Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
BEQUEST
Let me hear your laughing voice
each night before I go to bed
and see the shadow of your form
elegant as the day we wed
I like to brush that hair aside
which tends to drop and hide your eyes
and saying something off the cuff
which catches you by pure surprise
And frowning at your puzzle book
on the couch as I sit here and write
in your old tee shirt and stained sweat pants
beneath the floor lamp's cozy light
After all these days and years
I stiil wonder how it came to be
someone as wonderful as you
can still put up with such as me
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Thu, 2012-03-29 12:00
you old romantic fart,
I loved this very much in the simplicity of it. It looks like every long time member of NP has been writing of late in a simplictic form. isn't the trend interesting.
well to just be a pain, what's up with this line:
"I stiil wonder how that it can be"
I have to say it kind of tongue tied me.
Eddie
...
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
scribbler
Thu, 2012-03-29 19:29
Hi Eddie
Simple minds yield simple lines lol. That line you pointed out Does need some work. The "that" was inserted to maintain rhytm and I should be able to improve it................sorry you got tang toungled..........stan
author commentEduardo Cruz
Thu, 2012-03-29 19:31
Hahaha!
Hahaha!
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
loved
Thu, 2012-03-29 12:58
and I know why
After all these days and years
I stiil wonder how that it can be
someone as wonderful as you
can still put up with such as me
I am quite sure
she had just no option
but to endure..
lest others
Stan would you lure
u must have been handsome then ...
not that u r no more
Had she a choice
ask her would she
have found another
voice
hahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaa
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2012-03-29 19:31
Hi loved
I suspect she hangs around to see what I'll do next lmao.........stan
author commentloved
Fri, 2012-03-30 00:03
What hopes at your age
What hopes at your age
she is and must be
the leader at this age
too late perhaps my friend
either of you have no option
so stay together
and be- friend
till the last days
finally do end..
LOLOLOL
HAHAHA
loved