Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Air I Missed Breathing

the bells aren’t loud enough
to scare away the birds
and bring the boys home
for dinner

she’s starved, herself
but won’t bother to set the table
if she hasn’t got seats to fill

She rings the bells once more
and washes her hair
As she waits fruitlessly

the worry pounces from her heart to her feet
as she waltzes between the furniture
to grasp the front door
and swing it on its hinges
but she won’t say a word
or even bother looking back to shut it

this!
this is the air she missed breathing!
a bell rings in the distance
but she’s forgotten her way home
She feels she must enjoy
before the air goes cold
and dries her lungs

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

This poem captures the bittersweet longing that often accompanies a feeling of being lost and disconnected from home. The poet's use of imagery is particularly effective in conveying the emotion of the protagonist, such as the "worry pouncing from her heart to her feet" and the "air [that] goes cold and dries her lungs." The line "She rings the bells once more/and washes her hair" could be more clearly worded to emphasize the protagonist's attempt to return home and her frustration at her efforts not being successful; for example, "She rings the bells once more/yet still can't find her way home." Overall, this is an evocative and bittersweet poem that speaks to the feeling of being disconnected from home.

Hello, Leo,
Reading this a few times, I had different interpretations each time, with a couple different feelings. There was the feeling of loss, as if she is waiting for someone to come home at the bells' call, but they are no longer there to come home. And then the feeling that she herself did not wish to be there, alone and desolate, and longs to finally breathe freeing air in her life - even though it seems someone is ringing the bell to bring her home. I am eager to know your interpretation. This is a still, solemn poem, yet has a graceful resolve.
Thank you!
L

Hello Lavender, thank you for your interpretation. though I wrote this poem a while back I believe it was inspired by nice weather after such a long, gross winter haha. I find in the winter my mood is very solemn like you described the poem, and when the spring weather starts up I feel a weight lifted off my chest and just feel so much lighter. That's what the poem was mainly about, I guess it turned out to be an analogy as on the surface it may look like its describing a woman leaving a restrictive lifestyle behind to experience freedom and find herself.

author comment

Thank you for describing your meaning! I can feel the sensation. A wonderful anticipation and relief!
L

felt the poem was describing a woman who has been waiting
for someone to come home. As though she has been taking care of a family
for so long, that she barely knows what else to do. I think washing her hair
is a way of expressing that she needs to rid herself of the need to be needed.
I was surprised to learn of your interpretation; wanting to get out in the fresh air
after a long winter. But hey, it's your work. Any way you read it, it is a thoughtful
piece that bears a second look. I like it! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you for your interpretation Geezer. I often write with double meanings even without meaning too haha

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.