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Acid, Really? But I Hardly Even Smoke Pot! (Reworked)

Rosemary, a girl in a woman's body, a fool-hardy-soul
someone who leapt without looking. my so called good friend.
Who dropped Purple Haze into my cooled cup of morning tea,
well knowing my innocence would come to a celluloid end.

Rosemary picked our program for the days events
It was her turn to plan our outing this time.
I told her I had not seen the heart of the city
and I was not sure I wanted to see all of that grime

Going downtown Minneapolis, Hennipin Ave.
To see a movie, but which one to choose?
She argued, whining about seeing "The Exorcist"
just another battle with her, I would lose.

When my face and hands began to slowly melt
the shimmering air told me something was wrong.
I had never felt so different, beside my self,
and out of my body, feelings of eeriness strong.

As the house lights dimmed and my sight grew sparkly
We took our seats in a row close to the screen.
The acid started, played Hell with my virgin system
All sane reality dropped away, but I did not scream.

Then Rosemary confessed to her dirty trick in my drink
Knowing I had been drugged I relaxed and calmed down
She, soon fell apart and was totally freaked by the show.
Another stupid and dangerous prank by this woman/clown

Looking long and hard at her face, into her mocking eyes
seeing demons and devils roll across her being, It hit me
This was her first viewing of this flick, on hallucinogen drugs
I was the newbie, meeting Linda Blair, in her x-rated movie!

Rosemary placed her hand over mine on the chair seat rests
her eyes glued to the screen, she dug into my hand
with her evil nails filed and shaped into weapons
quickly I wisked away her claws, as an attention demand

Spraying of pea soup was bad, but I pushed the urge off,
defining moment for me, when her head spun all the way 'round
All day and night I would see it when I closed my eyes.
and I will never forget how the demon speech sounds.

Still under the influence of that pill in my drink,
I stopped at the bookstore on my way back home
The book was not hard to find, I chose a paperback
and purchased a copy of this very disturbing tome.

Needing to find my way again, as I felt betrayed,
very angry with Rosemary, who had violated my trust.
Feeling like a fool for being taken in so easily
feelings in an uproar and our friendship became dust!

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Acid, Really? But I Hardly Even Smoke Pot!" effectively utilizes narrative elements to create a vivid, engaging story. The use of specific details, such as the reference to "Purple Haze" and "The Exorcist," helps ground the narrative in a specific time and place, which can enhance the reader's connection to the poem.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of meter and rhyme. Currently, the poem's rhythm is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the narrative and make the poem more difficult to read. By adopting a more consistent meter, the poem could become more rhythmically satisfying and easier to follow.

Additionally, the poem's language is at times overly explicit. For instance, the lines "Another stupid and dangerous prank by this woman/clown" and "very angry with Rosemary, who had violated my trust" tell the reader directly how to interpret the events of the poem. By using more subtle, evocative language, the poem could allow the reader to draw their own conclusions about the characters and events, which could make the poem more engaging and thought-provoking.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced portrayal of the characters. Currently, the character of Rosemary is portrayed in a largely negative light, which can make her seem one-dimensional. By incorporating more complex, nuanced character traits, the poem could create a more realistic, compelling portrayal of Rosemary.

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Good story, not much tripping that I could see though. If it's there perhaps bring it a bit more visible.
needing,I think should be capped.
I don't really understand what you say here:
The acid started, played Hell with my virgin system
I don't get what one has to do with the other please?

For the title ya might rethink it because there really is not much of an acid trip in it.
The exorcist on weed would be a riot though.

Just some scattered thoughts on a Thursday afternoon.
Mark

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I was here now I disappear..

thanks for the help, I will be working on it for tomorrow. I'm sorta blotto today and going off line...

*hugs, Cat

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author comment

And what a dirty trick! Some people are just diabolical.

~RoseBlack~

Rosemary was a nightmare in a cute bouncy package. By looking at her you would never believe she could be so evil. She was a big flirt with the guys, especially someone elses. Thanks for reading and commenting.

*hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author comment

A darling to all who met him and the worst kind of evil behind closed doors. The definition of a snake can shed it's skin but remains a snake.

~RoseBlack~

she used people in some of the worst ways! What I minded most was the surprise trip without my permission. I never forgave her for that

*hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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author comment

Great story Cat, although I can appreciate how furious you'd be after this. I like the way you've used the film and the experience together. If you're working on it, I'd use your ex friend as being more like the demon perhaps as she digs her nails into you? I think there's so much to learn in this in terms of your reactions? Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

It is hard to write about my reactions. Having to do with Stockholm Syndrome. I appear to be reacting calmly (and what seems to me to be slowly, but I am told is not) I do not know if I can explain it.

I will work on it and see. thanks for your upbeat comment. I love the clarity you have!

*hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hi Cat, thank you for your comment, just what I needed. Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Your style is much different than mine but I really liked it

Thank you for reading and commenting. I was not sure how to tell the story poetically. It just came out like that. My favorite style is free verse. I appreciate your time spent!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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