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ARTHUR. A legend.
Bloodied and dying the end of his days,
He lie on the field life slipping away;
Spread all around his dead gallant knights
Lay with their foes who had been put to flight.
The cost was high so many dead,
He surveys the field from his own deathbed
Slaughtered they lay friend and foe alike
Dismembered and hacked in autumns sunlight.
With screams and shouts they had clashed head to head
Till to his great foe by deaths angel he was led,
Through the long afternoon and into the eve
They clashed back and forth, neither willing to cede.
As the sun set red o'er the bloodstained sod
Exhausted they fought and swore to their god
Neither would yield soon one must fall
One last thrust from each would cloth them in pall.
Now he gives a command the last he shall give
As he passes his sword to a knight who still lives
Commands him swear hurl the blade into the lake,
There it must lie till another does take.
To the black lake he rides stands at waters edge
Draws back his arm to follow his pledge
But his heart will not let him, he rides back to his lord
Begs his forgiveness for breaking his word.
The command is repeated he rides off once more,
This time he obeys and the weapon lets soar
Bright gleams in pale moonlight it curls through the eve
Then comes a sight he can barely believe
From the depths of the tarn a slim graceful limb
Rises forth, takes the hilt displays it to him;
One moment it glistens, then down, it is gone
Viviane will stand watch till another king comes.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I have always loved reading the Arthurian legend and have written this as a climax to the story. I have given serious thought to writing much more from his early days which would be a long and daunting task. Do I have it in me? We shall see.. I welcome ang comments, suggestions and criticisms,
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neopoet
Wed, 2024-09-18 00:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Arthur. A Legend" is a narrative piece that tells a vivid story of a battle and its aftermath, employing a classic theme of heroism and sacrifice. The use of imagery and metaphor is strong, painting a vivid picture of the battlefield and the actions of the characters.
However, there are areas that could be improved. The rhythm of the poem is somewhat inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. It would be beneficial to work on maintaining a consistent meter throughout the poem.
The use of language is generally effective, but there are instances where the choice of words could be improved for clarity and impact. For example, in the line "Till to his great foe by deaths angel he was led," the meaning is somewhat unclear. It could be beneficial to revise this line for clarity.
The poem could also benefit from more use of sensory details to further immerse the reader in the scene. Descriptions of sounds, smells, and tactile sensations can add depth to the imagery and make the scene more vivid.
Finally, the ending of the poem, while dramatic, could be made more impactful with a stronger connection to the themes of the poem. The appearance of Viviane and the disappearance of the sword are significant events, but their connection to the themes of heroism, sacrifice, and the cycle of kingship could be made more explicit.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-09-19 09:18
Dear Alex,
Arthurian lore has always fascinated me, too. I would not change a word. It reads like a dream. Please do continue, and I wish you all of the best in your pursuit.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Thu, 2024-09-19 09:20
Arthur. a legend!
WOW, I KNOW YOU READ ALOT BUT THIS IS AMAZING!!!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Lavender
Thu, 2024-09-19 09:40
ARTHUR. A Legend
Hello, Alex,
Wow. This is quite the piece. So much energy and detail. I have never become too familiar with Arthurian legends, and so googling I went. There is much to learn, and your poem delivers each important detail. I did stumble a bit on the same line as AI: "Til to his great foe..." but all in all, a fascinating poem that encourages me to find out more, especially in the literary sense. Regarding your last few words: it does seem that it would be a daunting task - and I hope to read it here! :)
Thank you!
L