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LIFE'S A BEACH

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Sun, 2024-02-11 06:43

The golden disc spreading
fingers
massaging the back of the
biscuit
coloured Sand and the aquamarine

froth salted rolling waves.
The sea trumpet squawks of

long gull calls as the head
raises
and lowers

Its side to side gait is on familiar
treasured

horseshoe land

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2024-02-11 12:43

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem titled "LIFE'S A BEACH." I appreciate your creativity and use of vivid imagery to describe the beach scene. Here are a few suggestions to enhance your poem:

1. Consider adding more sensory details: While you have included some sensory details like "golden spreading fingers" and "aquamarine froth," you could further engage the reader's senses by incorporating more descriptive language. For example, you could describe the scent of the sea, the feel of the sand beneath the feet, or the sound of the crashing waves.

2. Develop the theme: It seems that your poem is centered around the beach and the experience of being there. To strengthen the theme, you could explore deeper emotions or reflections associated with the beach. This could involve delving into personal memories, contemplating the passage of time, or exploring the connection between nature and human existence.

3. Consider the structure: The structure of your poem is free verse, which allows for flexibility and creativity. However

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Triskelion

Fri, 2024-02-16 16:51

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...not really warming up to those line breaks, they seem wildly out of place. Maybe you meant it that way? The imagery is the best part. I could imagine the writer as a seagull.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Jokerface82

Fri, 2024-02-16 20:47

Jokerface82's picture

I guess I wanted it looking neat not necessarily perfect line brakes but readable to the reader

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