Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The Beginning
We sat at a table together
and our knees touched...
Neither of us pulled away
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Short, sweet, and to the point. The beginning of what might be.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-12-14 21:00
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem titled "The Beginning" captures a moment of intimacy between two individuals sitting at a table. The brevity of the poem allows for a focused exploration of this particular moment. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.
First, consider expanding on the sensory details in the poem. By incorporating more vivid imagery, you can enhance the reader's experience and create a more immersive atmosphere. For example, you could describe the setting, the lighting, or the emotions that the characters are experiencing.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the emotions and thoughts of the characters. By delving deeper into their internal states, you can add depth and complexity to the poem. This could involve reflecting on their motivations, desires, or the significance of the moment they are sharing.
Lastly, consider experimenting with the structure and form of the poem. While the simplicity of the current structure is effective in conveying the immediacy of the moment, you may want to explore different poetic techniques
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Kristen H.
Thu, 2023-12-14 18:51
Thank you, Mark!
I appreciate your kind words! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you as well!
RoseBlack
Thu, 2023-12-14 18:06
Simple
Yet says so much...I have had moments like these...one person in particular...the world stopped for that brief time and nothing else seemed to exist...it was a feeling like no other...well done.
~RoseBlack~
Kristen H.
Thu, 2023-12-14 18:52
Thank you!
Thanks, RoseBlack! It truly is a wonderful feeling when that one special person makes the clock stop ticking.
Lavender
Fri, 2023-12-15 11:03
The Beginning
Hello, Kristen,
Magnetic! Very nice!
L
Kristen H.
Fri, 2023-12-15 13:52
Thank you
Thanks, Lavender!!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2023-12-16 07:12
Dear Kristen,
a lovely start...
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Kristen H.
Sat, 2023-12-16 20:44
Thank you!
I plan to expand on this greatly. Thank you!!!