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Confusion and Chaos

Confusion and Chaos

A child is hurt oh hear the cries!
An empty world;
With no hope unfold;
But lashes and bruises!
Circles of the wound, which opens so wide
Should I had die, die, die!

A child is hurt oh hear my cries!
Hunger pangs in the middle of the belly;
Throat runs dry, it’s hard to swallow;
What was led to starvation?
As part of the hatred towards a child
Should I had die, die, die.

A child is hurt oh hear my cries!
Locked in a room as time flies by;
Only to escape when footsteps are gone;
Only to see the brighter sun;
Only to feel as others play;
Only to be loved in childhood days;
Should I had die, die, die!

A child is grown up oh hear the cries!
Of a broken heart, weaker minds;
Just perpetuating that untold pain;
For what once was a story remains hidden;
But born the fruits of broken souls into families;
A child who lived yet did not die;
Faced the pain of childhood fears;
Should I had die, die, die!

Where is Mummy or Daddy?
Should they not protect the flock and provide?
They are here ever so near, as they were the ones I had to fear;
A child is hurt, oh hear the cries
Anyone! Anyone! Anyone!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
KIndly edit this poem for improvement, I will be most appreciative.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

"A child is hurt oh hear the cries!"

It makes the readers realize that it's an important part of the poem and asks them to pay special attention to it.

Repetition brings the meaning, theme into some focus. The poem portrays a childhood punishment, mistreatment through hunger strike and house cell. It was so terrible that no one comes to your aid or even your parents at least to have a change of mind. It seems your parents are very hardened.

The imagery used in the poem was so descriptive! It appeals to the readers imaginations and senses as well.
Pathetic, emotive, heart-rendering story!

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Onyinyechi Cosmos yes that is the raw reality of this poem it's a real factual experience of child abuse in the childhood years. It is painful and raw, it was done by the parents. Thank you for taking the time to comment and share your thoughts on this piece. I sincerely appreciate it.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

This is my favorite one yet. I think I’m starting to understand the delivery of the lines better as far as timing is concerned. The emotional output is astounding. Look forward to reading more stuff. Sending healing and comfort.

Tim

Tim thank you for taking the time to share your input and perspective on this piece. Thank you for your inspirational words. Most appreciative.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

make criticisms, I will provide a measure of respect for the voices that you call out with. I am impressed! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Geeza thank you for sharing your comment, but may I humbly ask for knowledge's sake, what do you mean when you say "you will provide a measure of respect for the voices that you call out with."

Thank much.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

He loves the voice you write with. I do too.

Tim

Tim thank you so much for responding, and for the compliment.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment

what I meant! I am not so good at freeverse poetry and sometimes, I mistake how it's being said; but I think that I am pretty good at determining what you said. I like what you have to say! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Geezer thanks again for the clarification. Your comment was indeed appreciated and insightful.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

author comment
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