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Most want... (To Die In Their Sleep! by:eddy styx)
Most People Want:
(To Die In Their Sleep) by: eddy styx
I see you
deeply, kissing him good-night
I sense you
behind the closed door
I know your
bedroom walls & drapes
I feel
your satin bed sheets
I smell
the decadent perfume
I taste
the sickly dregs of death...
I am hidden there,
as, you open the windows
turn out the lights,
turn off the bell on your phone,
slipping fluidly into bed.
sleep comes gently, as you close your eyes,
falling utterly under it's spell..
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-05-10 13:41
A good look...
at the alter-ego who resides in a relationship. I thought it very engaging and clear about his feelings for you. Most writers that have an alter-ego, do not ever address the relationship with their host. I find it most interesting, and did not realize how I have dealt with this matter of my own, until I was framing my response to you. I think that it also goes to show the difference in the borning of an alter-ego. Hmmmm... I do believe that there may be something to this conjecture. Thank you for this insight.
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-05-10 15:14
dear Boys,
I am not most writers, or even most people. Steven says that I have a lot of masculine philosophies and my approach to life is more masculine than feminine. not many little girls are taught how to fight when they are young, lol.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Tue, 2022-05-10 17:17
Agreed...
you do seem to be a "Tom Boy". My sisters all took lessons from me or my brothers. We never had to defend them; by the time we learned about anything happening, it was all done and over with! LoL Hugs from all, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-05-10 17:20
dear Geez,
you had lucky sisters!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lovedly
Tue, 2022-05-10 12:43
the aroma of death.
exquisite words
of SILENT death
we love to wade away in our sleep
no fear of the twin mind
are you awake
eddy
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-05-10 15:16
wide-eyed
awake, watching and waiting!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Mr joghe
Tue, 2022-05-10 18:52
Good poem
I love your poem.
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-05-11 07:54
dear Mr. joghe,
thank you very much for both reading and commenting. have a good one...
ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Wed, 2022-05-11 09:51
Death presence within
The way you created your poems sometimes stirs up goose bumps on my skin. Your structural, grammatical, rhythmic, metrical, verbal and visual elements, all are in place.
Apt and beautifully crafted piece!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Wed, 2022-05-11 09:57
dear onyinyechi,
thank you very much for reading and commenting! I enjoyed your review, very much.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Wed, 2022-05-11 13:21
You're welcome
I love your style of writing.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb