Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
W.T.F.
I don't get it,
never did!
So much suffering,
when will it end?
The day is long,
the night is cold.
People on the street,
are bought and sold.
They're living in boxes,
dealing drugs to cope,
They're bathing in the river
Avoiding the police
to escape the rope.
Tormented by demons,
of thier minds making.
Get ready for denial
and a good shaking.
bereft of all hope
off to the abyss
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
It's easy, to see what this is about, at least I hope it is. Obviously I'm not trying to show literary genius. What I'd really like to
understand is how it makes you feel? Thanks!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
South Ogden, Utah
Favorite Poets
Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-02-10 00:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "W.T.F.", presents a bleak and gritty view of life on the streets. It uses vivid imagery and strong language to convey the harsh realities of homelessness and addiction. The poem's structure is simple and straightforward, making it accessible to a wide range of readers.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. The first two stanzas follow an ABAB pattern, but the rest of the poem does not. This inconsistency can be distracting for the reader and disrupt the flow of the poem.
Additionally, the poem's tone could be more nuanced. While the subject matter is inherently dark, the poem could explore the complexities of the human experience more deeply. For example, the poem could delve into the reasons behind the characters' suffering or their hopes and dreams, despite their circumstances.
Lastly, the poem's ending could be more impactful. The current ending, "Then off to the abyss/bereft of all hope," feels somewhat abrupt and does not provide a satisfying conclusion to the poem. The ending could tie back to the beginning of the poem or offer a new perspective on the situations described.
Overall, the poem has potential but could be improved with more consistent rhyme, a more nuanced tone, and a stronger ending.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-10 06:53
Dear Leslie,
I do not get it either...all the crap that goes on, is beyond me. I try to put a little love and understanding into the world and see if it comes back. sometimes it is shoved back into my face. Even here, where you would presume to be safe. Take good care, my friend. I wish only peace for you...btw I like your poem!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Sat, 2024-02-10 08:09
Cat...
Today is a day that I appologize for not reading as much as I should. I need to back away if I can to wait for the pendulum
to swing. Thank you for being so supportive.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentLavender
Sat, 2024-02-10 22:51
W.T.F.
Hello, Leslie,
A powerful piece. I can see there is somewhat a rhyme pattern. I'd have to disagree with AI regarding the consistency - it's there enough to enhance the feeling in the poem. Not sure you'd want a tight rhyme within such a poem, possibly taking away its raw nature. I wonder about switching the last two lines:
Then, bereft of all hope,
off to the abyss.
Just a suggestion that gives the poem an ultimate pause.
Thank you for this thought-provoking read.
Lx
Leslie
Sun, 2024-02-11 01:47
Lavender
I read your comments and thank you. I also took your advice!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author comment