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Where Did They Sleep Last Night?
When evening turns to night
And with book in hand I head,
Towards a night of quiet slumber
In the safety of my bed.
Before I fell asleep last night
The news spoke to me of dread,
Where will all those others sleep
Who have no place to lay their head?
They number in the tens of thousands
They are young and they are old,
They come from every walk of life
They often sleep where they are told.
They may be a country's solder
Who fights for freedom's cause,
Scared in some dark and distant fox hole
Where night and war will take no pause.
They may be the native family
With pride but precious little more,
Banned to a windswept reservation
Where the bison ran before.
They might be the ones in ghettos
Where gun shots mar each night,
Or the lost souls in institutions
With sleepless demons they must fight.
They may be the homeless or infirmed
Who sleep wherever they can find,
They could be any one of us
Had our lives not been so kind.
It's worth a second thought or two
As in warm comfort I drift away,
To think of the sleepless ones tonight
And remember them as people, not just "they".
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What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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neopoet
Sat, 2023-07-29 00:30
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Where Will They Sleep Tonight?" demonstrates a strong sense of empathy and social awareness. It effectively uses the contrast between the speaker's safe and comfortable situation and the plight of various marginalized groups to evoke sympathy and provoke thought in the reader.
However, there are a few areas that could be improved for a more impactful delivery.
1. Consistency in Meter: The poem seems to follow a loose ABAB rhyme scheme, but the meter varies from line to line. This inconsistency can disrupt the flow of the poem and distract from the message. For instance, the line "Scared in some dark and distant fox hole" is noticeably longer than the other lines in the same stanza. A more consistent meter would enhance the rhythm and readability of the poem.
2. Show, Don't Tell: The poem could benefit from more vivid, specific imagery. Instead of directly stating the situations of the marginalized groups, the poem could describe scenes that allow readers to infer their circumstances. For instance, instead of saying "They may be the native son or child / With pride but precious little more," the poem could describe a scene that shows their pride and lack of resources.
3. Avoiding Stereotypes: The poem should be careful not to reinforce harmful stereotypes. The line "They be the ones in projects / Where gun shots mar each night," for example, could perpetuate negative assumptions about people living in housing projects. It's important to remember that while the poem seeks to raise awareness about social issues, it should also strive to depict its subjects with dignity and respect.
4. Conclusion: The final stanza could be more powerful. It currently ends on a somewhat passive note, asking the reader to think about the marginalized groups and remember them as people. A stronger conclusion might challenge the reader to take action or change their perspective in a more concrete way.
By addressing these areas, the poem could more effectively engage its readers and convey its important message.
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