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What If
What if a man on a bike wears pink blouson sleeves or,
an old lady pushes her dog in a pram, to walk her cat in the rain?
What if the tiles on my neighbour’s roof are a skate park,
rising and falling, like a pillow sagging in cloudburst?
What if squawking corvids reach their zenith and
I join them in their Hitchcock murder scene?
What if this is real and not a failure of unsheathed brain
wires interrupting signals to send vague pictures?
What if I step into traffic because I can't see silver cars,
adding insult to unknown injuries?
What if defective wiring creates a penguin on a table,
from triangular cardboard menus and low light?
What if I understood the world around me and
the wrong spelling is always write.
What if I was always like this,
and didn’t notice I’d become, what if?
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Last few words:
I have a condition which impairs my vision so what I see is not the same as what you see.
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United Kingdom
Favorite Poets
I like Margaret Atwoods poetry and I enjoy her writing. She has a natural ability to make her fiction read like poetry, if you read closely you will see it., I have a good understanding of the English language but I don't always follow the rules as I can be a little lazy and sometimes I'm just tired., I've been inspired reading the poetry on Neopoet and have enjoyed analysing other people's work.
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-05-15 10:15
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "What If" explores the fascination with the unknown and the possibility of alternate realities. The use of vivid imagery throughout the poem creates a sense of surrealism and intrigue, drawing the reader in to consider the strange scenarios presented. The playful tone of the poem encourages the reader to let go of their preconceived notions and embrace the unknown.
One suggested line edit would be to change "low light" to "dim light" in the line "What if defective wiring creates a penguin on a table, from triangular cardboard menus and low light?" This change would provide a more precise description of the lighting and enhance the visual imagery.
Overall, the poem effectively captures the essence of curiosity and the desire to explore the unknown. The language used is creative and engaging, making for an enjoyable read.
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Ruby Lord
Mon, 2023-05-15 10:26
Really?
Really?
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2023-05-15 11:03
I feel...
the disconnect between reality and the fantasy that plays in the head of the author. I particularly liked the explanation of
unsheathed brain-wires that interrupt signals and send vague pictures. I have had numerous, and serious blows to the head and have often wondered about that very thing! I cannot tell if this poem is the result of a plot overthrow the grip of AI or maybe a scenario mixed up to show off your talent for fantasy, but it works for me! I am impressed in either case! ~ Geezer.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ruby Lord
Mon, 2023-05-15 11:10
Hey Geez, it's one of those
Hey Geez, it's one of those things I live with. I have multiple sclerosis which has affected my vision so I don't see the world as I used to. Two bouts of optic neuritus have left me with sight issues so when I'm anywhere unfamiliar, it's always handy to have another person with me, to explan what I can't see. I'm particularly useless in low and bright light and seeing moving vehicles. I cannot see silver cars and I struggle with grey. My husbands head has been missing for years :) Ruby xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2023-05-15 11:52
Oh Lord...
"My husband's head has been missing for years"! I sense that while this might possibly be true, the laconic manner in which it is delivered, makes me feel that it is just possibly a little sarcastic, and I wonder if your husband's face is hidden by a beard and mustache? I do appreciate what having good eyesight means, as I have only one good eye, due to disregard for the old maxim uttered by mothers everywhere; "Don't play with B.B. guns, you'll put your eye out." I was shot in the eye with a B.B. gun on my sixteenth birthday! Nice birthday present! I also have medical conditions that make the need for medications that can adversely affect your vision and am starting to see those effects. Your poem stands out to me because of your manner of writing, and I hope that I see much more of it! Great stuff! ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ruby Lord
Mon, 2023-05-15 13:18
Ouch, oh dear, that's harsh,
Ouch, oh dear, that's harsh, losing an eye that way and so young. A truly sad situation. I do hope the side effects from your meds doesn't go too far?
My husbands head has been missing for years, it's true. He has a full head of grey hair, he's been grey since he was 28, no that's nothing to do with his wife, I am adorable even when I need help. Once he was waiting for me after a hospital appointment. I could see his body but not his head. It was really weird.
And if he doesn't sit in his normal place, I have been known not to see him when he sits further up on the sofa. I have apperceptive agnosia, another gift from the faulty wiring. For me it's just a matter of fact, not sarcasim, but he'd probably tell you something different ha ha. :)
Thank you for your comments, they are as always very welcome and appreciated. Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentObadiah Grey
Mon, 2023-05-15 12:54
Oh I love this one, Ruby.
Oh I love this one, Ruby.
I loved it before I read the back story.
I loved it even more after.
There is not one atom of me that feels sorry for you
but quite a few that are jealous,
not of you but rather of the headless hubby!
(But the blurred vision might work in my favour)
Can you tell I like this?,,,,,, Obi.
Ruby Lord
Mon, 2023-05-15 13:30
Ha ha Obi, he's got used to
Ha ha Obi, he's got used to it, I have.
And he cuts me no leeway, but I wouldn't want him to. My sister had MS and her husband took over everything. It made her disability worse.
Thank you for not feeling sorry for me and thank you for your comments on my poem. I never feel sorry for me and I don't want anyone else too, I'm just me and there are more people out there who have it worse than me. I'll never feel sad about my MS, I'll always be the happy smiley Manc that I am. :)
I have suggestions for getting blurred vision, it involves a bottle of bourbon and your finger. Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentObadiah Grey
Mon, 2023-05-15 13:58
Oooopfhhhh, you beast you !!!
Oooopfhhhh, you beast you !!!
Ruby Lord
Mon, 2023-05-15 14:11
Come on Obi, I bet you could
Come on Obi, I bet you could write a poem about that, ha ha.
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2023-05-15 14:48
I love your...
attitude! It's been over fifteen years now, since I've started these meds, and I am just starting to notice things changing, so it's not a bad deal; being able to breathe is a fair trade-off. I'd say that you have a pretty decent sense of humor, and I appreciate
your being able to joke about things, like I do. So glad that you have become a part of our family. Let's make sure that everyone gets a dose of humor every time we put our fingers to the keyboard! ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ruby Lord
Tue, 2023-05-16 05:15
I was thinking about you this
I was thinking about you this morning, and I wondered how you cope with perception?
Perception is everything they say.
I knew a man who also had lost an eye, and he said coping with things around him, his perception, was the hardest part. He had to retrain his mind to understand the world but it was a continuing process. I appreciate him more than ever, do you have the same issues with perception?
I think you've got a handle, like me, on your limitations and your way of dealing with the issues is admirable. Keep up the good work. We all need to take the time to breathe, step back, just to check where we've been and where we're going. Take care, Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2023-05-16 09:43
Yeah...
I had a good deal of trouble adjusting at first, you would think that walking up and down stairs, reaching for something or doing one of many things people do every day without thinking about it, shouldn't be a problem, but you are right, many of those things require depth perception. [I hesitate to say fortunately], but it was early in life. Now, it is simply a matter of measuring my hand or foot against the object[s] in question. A rapid calculation done in my hind-brain and there you go!
I learned to play darts, shoot a gun, drive a car, [taxi for eight years] and many other things that most everyone else does. I guess that in familiar surroundings, objects that I already know the size of helps. Thank you for the question most people don't even think about. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ruby Lord
Tue, 2023-05-16 09:54
Yep, sounds familiar, take
Yep, sounds familiar, take care, Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentLavender
Mon, 2023-05-15 21:29
What If
Hello, Ruby,
My favorite line: "What if I understood the world around me and the wrong spelling is always write." As a poet, this is genius. Thanks for this one, Ruby.
L
Ruby Lord
Tue, 2023-05-16 05:16
Thank you Lavender, I
Thank you Lavender, I appreciate your comments and picking out my favourite line too, Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
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