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Uninhibited!

Submitted by Leslie on Mon, 2023-03-27 16:11

Uninhibited you ask,
I am anything but,
caught in a cycle,
not knowing which end is up
when I'm down, I'm down
like a pig in the mud
but when I resurface
I'll help you to rise up
just til I'm triggered
by your voice or your touch
counting on determination
to allow me to drink from your cup
the anger attached to this rapid decline
is just a good reason to
let this fury pass by!
to head for the hills
and let sleeping dogs lie!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I'm usually very controlled but I have hours in which it is very difficult to control my feelings of anger. I have made the mantra "do no harm" one to live by. No one deserves to be abused nor the right to hurt anyone else.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-03-27 16:11

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Uninhibited!" explores the speaker's feelings of being stuck in a cycle and unable to break free. The use of the word "uninhibited" in the title creates a sense of irony, as the speaker is anything but free from inhibition.

The repetition of "down" emphasizes the speaker's sense of hopelessness and inability to escape their situation. The comparison to a "pig in the mud" adds a visceral quality to the imagery, making the reader feel the speaker's despair.

However, the poem could benefit from some line edits to improve its flow and clarity. One suggestion would be to add a comma after "cycle" in the first line, to create a clearer pause for the reader.

Overall, "Uninhibited!" effectively captures the feeling of being trapped in a cycle and unable to escape. With some minor edits, this poem could become even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-03-28 06:33

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I know the feeling. I’m given to reactive anger too. It is best to let sleeping dogs lie. If in fact we do become angry and reactive, we need to be accountable and that means also seeking forgiveness of ourselves. You can change behaviors if you’re shameful and guilt stricken over the past.

Take care of yourself,
Tim

Leslie

Tue, 2023-03-28 11:31

Leslie's picture

because I recognize it for what it is, a chemical imbalance. However I do know that we
all must exercise self-restraint, because if we don't control ourselves someone
else will. Thank you, however for your concern.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

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