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A Tribute to 9-11

Submitted by Hon on Sun, 2023-09-03 15:57

An urgent need for
awakening call
When a tragic event strike
this great nation across
with a horror disaster
of trembling in fear
In the midst of a crisis
On the day of 9-11-2001
A sudden stage attacked
with a devastating news
filled with a flood of tears
led to a mourning death
of many innocent lives
with the passing loss
to the verge of despair
No words could describe
the witnessing scenery
of the deep condolence
by the shattered dream
of the sorrowful memory
carried with a heavy heart
in the legacy of history
Solidarity came into place
with the joining of hands
built hope and joy
to see prosperity displayed
Through unity and resilience
of strength and perseverance
that American portrayed

Last few words: 
This poem was written to pay tribute to ALL the victims who were impacted by the tragic event of September 11. It shows how life can be vulnerable and fragile that we take things for granted.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week September 3rd to September 9th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Sun, 2023-09-03 22:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem has a strong emotional core, focusing on the tragic event of 9/11 and its aftermath. The use of language and imagery is effective in conveying the deep sorrow and despair felt by many. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Clarity: The poem could benefit from more clarity in its narrative. There are instances where the meaning is obscured due to the lack of concrete details. For example, "A sudden stage attacked with a devastating news" is somewhat vague. Consider specifying what the 'stage' and 'devastating news' refer to for a clearer picture.

2. Structure: The poem seems to lack a consistent structure. While free verse does not require a strict adherence to a specific form, some consistency in line length, rhythm, or rhyme can help guide the reader through the poem and enhance its overall impact.

3. Grammar: There are a few grammatical errors that disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, "When a tragic event strike this great nation across" should be "When a tragic event strikes this great nation". Ensuring correct grammar can help maintain the reader's immersion in the poem.

4. Imagery: While there are some strong images in the poem, such as "a flood of tears" and "the witnessing scenery of the deep condolence", there could be more use of specific, concrete imagery to make the poem more vivid. For example, instead of saying "the day of 9-11-2001", describe the day itself - the clear sky, the ordinary morning that turned into a day of horror.

5. Tone: The poem's tone is consistently somber, which is fitting for its subject matter. However, the final lines shift to a more hopeful tone. This transition could be made more gradual and nuanced to avoid a jarring effect.

6. Word Choice: Some phrases, such as "with the passing loss to the verge of despair", could be simplified for greater impact. Overly complex language can sometimes detract from the emotional power of a poem.

Overall, this poem has potential and with some revisions, it could be a powerful tribute to a tragic event.

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