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A sweet refrain!

Submitted by Leslie on Sat, 2023-04-08 13:53

Gleefuly the children play
adorned with raincoats
a blustery day
jumping in the midst of puddles
mum and dad trail
o're the cobbles
reminiscing of
times long past
watching children
sing and dance
gazing off as in a trance!
all Gods' children in the rain
crying out in sweet refrain!

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I just hope that this has a happier tenor to it.
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-04-08 13:53

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "A sweet refrain!" captures the joy and innocence of children playing in the rain. The author's use of descriptive imagery, such as "jumping in the midst of puddles" and "adorned with raincoats," transports the reader to the scene. The inclusion of the parents also adds depth to the poem, as they reminisce about their own childhood and watch their children with love and appreciation.

One suggestion for a line edit would be to change "o're" to "over." While "o're" may be used in poetic language, it can be distracting and disrupt the flow of the poem for some readers.

Overall, "A sweet refrain!" is a charming and heartwarming poem that celebrates the beauty of childhood and the simple pleasures of life.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Sat, 2023-04-08 14:41

Leslie's picture

I am glad that neo saw this poem in the way that it did! This is exactly what I meant to do.
I hope that others will read it.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Trail

Sat, 2023-04-08 17:05

Trail's picture

I can smell the wet earth as if I'm right there. Takes me back to moments like this in my own childhood jumping in puddles and singing to the rain. I'm happy to see you write something so bright and full of joy.

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