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Street of Dreams (Institutionalization)

Submitted by Leslie on Tue, 2023-03-28 15:53

Sleep was erratic,
for those of my kind
Escaping psychosis
the turbulent mind
taking up paths
down long endless hallways
the street of dreams
with its infinite byways
searching for something
there in the night
hoping to end
this worrisome flight
our senses engage
when we turn out the lights!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is another about mental illness. If it makes sense that's great. If you really understand I'm sorry but that's better than not having a clue.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-03-28 15:53

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Street of Dreams (Institutionalization)" portrays the experience of individuals suffering from psychosis and their struggle to escape the petulant mind. The use of imagery, such as the long endless hallways and infinite byways, effectively conveys the feeling of being lost in a confusing and overwhelming environment. The line "our senses engage when we turn on the lights" is a powerful moment of realization and clarity, emphasizing the importance of finding one's way out of the darkness.

However, the poem could benefit from some refinement. The use of the word "petulant" to describe the mind may be somewhat jarring and could be replaced with a more appropriate adjective. Additionally, the structure of the poem could be improved by varying the length of the lines to create a more dynamic rhythm. Overall, "Street of Dreams (Institutionalization)" is a poignant representation of the struggles faced by those with mental illness, but could benefit from some minor adjustments.

Suggested line edit: "Escaping psychosis, the tumultuous mind"

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Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-03-30 10:23

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I am not prone to insomnia. I have not much experience with that at all. I can say your poem is very easy to read. Good rhythm and rhyme makes it flow really well.

Great job,
Tim

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