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Spider-a night in the life!

Submitted by Leslie on Sun, 2023-09-24 22:45

My name is insidious.
You may not know me well,
but you soon shall.
My dwelling is dark
and has a well.
I live under your sink.
There's just enough moisture
to offer a drink.
And enough food to allow me time to think.
Enough space to set up shop...
to begin to get plump.
Venture out into the night
and well, make your house my home!
Don't think for a moment.
That I know not where you sleep,
or the sill of the window
where your children
lie fast asleep.
I can be as harmless as a dove,
or as poisonous as an asp!
It depends upon how you treat me.
Nonetheless you had better be aware.
I am quite cognizant of your every move.
I can hear you, ever so clearly.
Thundering down the stair!
You make quite the commotion.
Strike fear in my little one's hearts!
and I say it isn't fair. Thrashing about
without a care.
in the end turn about is fair play
and sometimes revenge is the game I play!
A tiny bite, on the neck, behind the ear,
May bring misfortune to the ones
that you hold dear!

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-09-25 04:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "pider-a night in the life!" effectively uses personification to give voice to an insidious creature living under the sink. The speaker's voice is clear and consistent throughout the poem, creating a chilling effect. However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery and specific details to enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.

The poem's structure is mostly free verse, with no consistent rhyme scheme or meter. This style suits the unsettling theme and tone of the poem, but some lines seem to disrupt the rhythm. For example, the line "Thundering down the stair!" is significantly shorter than the surrounding lines. Adjusting the line length for consistency could improve the poem's flow.

In terms of language, the poem uses a mix of simple and complex vocabulary. Words like "insidious," "cognizant," and "benighted" create a sophisticated tone, but they might be difficult for some readers to understand. Replacing or defining these words could make the poem more accessible to a wider audience.

The poem's theme of fear and revenge is intriguing, but it could be developed further. The speaker mentions "revenge" in the last line, but it's unclear what this revenge entails. Expanding on this idea could add depth and intrigue to the poem.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more punctuation to guide the reader's pace and interpretation. For example, the line "Don't think for a minute!" could be interpreted as a command or a statement depending on the punctuation. Adding a comma after "minute" would clarify that it's a command.

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Leslie

Mon, 2023-09-25 07:09

Leslie's picture

I want to let this flow freely and I didn't want to spend a lot of time on it. I hope it sounds okay.!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Lavender

Tue, 2023-09-26 13:36

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Oh, my goodness. Very cringey-creepy, but I had to keep reading! What a great poem! Even though I scoop them up and let them loose outside, I still believe they have these thoughts that you have so spookily targeted.
Thank you!
L

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