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Something light!

Submitted by Leslie on Fri, 2023-11-10 21:45

Though there's not much
of meter or rhyme.
in this short
little poem of mine
You'll find that there's more.
Held behind these locked doors.
To challenge the inquisitive mind.
When your heart makes connections
and finds.
A glimmering of the divine.
The world becomes light,
straight out of the night.
As sweet as fresh grapes from the vine.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Sat, 2023-11-11 03:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Something light!" presents an interesting exploration of the abstract concept of enlightenment and discovery. However, there are several areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and impact.

1. Consistency in Structure: The poem seems to lack a consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme. For instance, the first two lines do not rhyme, while the third and fourth do. This inconsistency can disrupt the flow and make it harder for readers to follow. Consider revising the poem to establish a more consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme.

2. Punctuation: The use of punctuation in the poem is inconsistent. Some lines end with a period, while others do not. This can create confusion for the reader. Consider reviewing the punctuation to ensure it aids in the understanding and flow of the poem.

3. Imagery: The last line introduces a new image - "grapes from the vine". While this is a vivid image, it is not clear how it connects to the rest of the poem. Consider revising this line to better align with the themes and imagery introduced earlier in the poem.

4. Clarity: The poem uses abstract language to describe the process of discovery and enlightenment. While this can create a sense of mystery, it may also make it harder for readers to understand the poem's message. Consider revising the poem to clarify its meaning, while still maintaining its sense of intrigue.

5. Line Breaks: The line breaks in this poem seem arbitrary and do not contribute to its overall rhythm or meaning. Consider revising the line breaks to enhance the poem's flow and readability.

In conclusion, while the poem presents an interesting exploration of discovery and enlightenment, it could benefit from revisions to its structure, punctuation, imagery, clarity, and line breaks.

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