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Shut up and run!

Submitted by Leslie on Sat, 2023-04-22 21:31

Git fit an' git tight
you may just have to walk out tonight
grab yur' coat and a gun
get those big old boots
and pull em' on
git ready to split
on a dead run
you won't be comin' back
no, not this time
and though you aint done nuthin' wrong
i'ts just somethin'
that's got to be done
head for the hills
don't leave nuthin' behind
the end is comin'
so shut up and run!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This probably sounds fatalistic, but look around and listen to the news. Then tell me you don't ever feel like this. Right? I'm sorry, but I am coming out of a hard depression and I don't know what else I feel. The good thing is in ten minutes. I may not feel at all like this!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Sat, 2023-04-22 21:31

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Shut up and run!" is a high-energy, fast-paced piece that encourages the reader to prepare for an imminent escape. The use of colloquial language and dialect adds to the urgency and tension of the poem, creating a sense of urgency in the reader. The poem's structure is loose and free-flowing, which gives it a sense of rawness and spontaneity.

One of the poem's strengths is its use of vivid imagery, such as the line "get those big old boots and pull em' on," which conjures up the image of someone gearing up for a dangerous mission. The line "you won't be comin' back, no, not this time" adds a note of finality and desperation to the poem, highlighting the gravity of the situation.

While the poem's rawness and urgency are effective, some of the language and phrasing could be tightened up for greater impact. For example, the line "and though you aint done nuthin' wrong" could be edited to "though you've done nothing wrong." This small change removes unnecessary colloquialisms and gives the line a more direct and forceful tone.

Overall, "Shut up and run!" is an effective and energetic poem that captures the feeling of impending danger and the need to flee. With some small edits to tighten up the language, the poem could be even more impactful.

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