Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
A shadow of bed and door
While shadows engage, I run towards the mist.
It stands open and its arms reach mine, ready to comfort.
It is painful, to see others in the rush of a moment,
but I tell myself, I will see the other world.
The world
world with a sense of a sentence,
world of stories, and imagination,
world for one by one.
My world.
It exist, yet how much will I need to give up, for this world,
to be.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-08-23 00:00
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A shadow of bed and door" explores the concept of longing for a different world and the sacrifices that may be necessary to attain it. The imagery of shadows, mist, and open arms creates a sense of anticipation and yearning. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from more specific and vivid language. For example, instead of using the phrase "the rush of a moment," consider describing the scene or action that evokes this feeling. This will help to engage the reader and create a more immersive experience.
Additionally, the poem introduces the idea of "the other world" but does not provide enough context or detail to fully understand its significance. Consider expanding on this concept, exploring what makes this world different or desirable, and how it contrasts with the current reality. This will add depth and clarity to the poem's theme.
Lastly, the ending of the poem feels abrupt and leaves the reader wanting more. It raises the
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact