Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

SERENADE

Submitted by Sheddie on Sun, 2023-09-03 06:26

When life rolls into the sheltered arms of grace,
Blazing, burning, ever glowing, a pinnacle of pulchre,
Magical crystals dangling on the open space,
Immortal fortitude, immune, no mediocre
I hope to liven the moment, rendering serenades

A serenade, birthed from the soulful tribe of purity,
Uplifting melodies, reverberating love in its finest nature,
Alluring tunes, brimming affection vis into sanity
A symphony sunken in harmononius aura, heavenly stature
A musical whisper of admirations, brewing originality

Let life peaceful lie when I proclaim my serenade with charisma,
Finer than the solos of Solomon,heavenly sonata,
Breaths of trumpet breathing from my nostrils, hatred's renegade,
Flowing rhythms, spiced with nature's 'lieta'
Love is most perfect when it washes away the stains of stigma,
Love heals when it sings a serenade

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2023-09-03 12:30

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Serenade" explores the theme of love and the power of music to express emotions. The language used is rich and descriptive, creating vivid imagery throughout the poem. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a clearer structure or form. Consider organizing the stanzas or lines in a way that enhances the flow of the poem and emphasizes the musicality of the serenade. This could be achieved through consistent line lengths or the use of rhyme or repetition.

Additionally, some of the phrases and metaphors used in the poem could be further developed or clarified. For example, the line "Magical crystals dangling on the open space" could be expanded upon to provide more specific imagery or meaning. Similarly, the phrase "symphony sunken in harmonious aura" could be elaborated on to enhance its impact and evoke a stronger sense of the musical experience.

Lastly, consider revisiting the use of certain words or phrases

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.