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Scarified Heart

I may,
one day,
forgive you

But the heart,
my heart,
will never forget

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
It needs a new title...
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

In terms of structure, the poem adheres to a minimalist approach, which can be effective in conveying a powerful message with few words. However, the use of repetition (e.g., "one day," "my heart") could be further exploited to create a stronger rhythmic pattern or to emphasize the emotional tension in the poem.

The poem's theme, centered around forgiveness and memory, is a universal one that can resonate with many readers. However, the language used to express this theme is quite straightforward and lacks the use of figurative language, imagery, or other poetic devices that could deepen the emotional impact and complexity of the poem.

The line "But the heart, my heart, will never forget" could benefit from more specificity or a unique turn of phrase to make it more memorable and impactful. As it stands, it is a rather common sentiment that does not offer a fresh perspective or insight into the theme of forgiveness and memory.

In terms of tone, the poem maintains a consistent tone of solemnity and regret, which effectively communicates the speaker's emotional state. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied or nuanced emotional landscape to create a more engaging and dynamic reading experience.

Overall, the poem has a clear and relatable theme but could benefit from more inventive language, varied emotional tones, and a more distinctive voice to make it stand out and resonate more deeply with readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Kristen,
With such wonderful brevity, an appropriate title is necessary. I think this one is perfect, but you've stated you aren't satisfied with it. I'm reminded that it's no longer the person who we can't forget, but the impact of the heartache. This sounds like it was truly severe, and your raw title affirms that. But I'll be back to see what you've decided!
Thank you!
L

So much, Lavender. I just didn't know how to put into words what this poem meant to me and how to title it. I'm happy to hear it's not bad, I just don't know if it's "right" yet. It doesn't feel... enough. Doesn't really capture how bad this one hurt me to have to write.

author comment

it sure is a good start.
Warm regards,
L

I appreciate it. :)

author comment

critique for this piece, but I do have a title if you wish. How about "Scarified Heart" ?
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I appreciate the feedback, Geez! I love the title suggestion, I think I'll use it. It really hits the nail on the head on what it feels to me.

author comment

always my pleasure to help out. I wish that it wasn't such a hurtful piece, but I sympathize with you. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Brevity at it's best.
I suggest " A Too Hurt Heart" or A Broken Heart"

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Thanks for the suggestions and the feedback! I think I'm going to go with Geezer's suggestion of "Scarified Heart"... "Broken" is absolutely how I feel though...

author comment
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