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A sad, sad song

Submitted by Leslie on Sat, 2023-05-06 12:33

Fast past, dancing
thru pools of shadow
dawn is coming on strong
people on the street escaping
to the places where
they feel that they belong
with just the time they need
til night comes back around
waiting on thier dark refuge
walking home alone
watching the sun pass
thru the sky
as another day whispers
a sad, sad song!

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Sat, 2023-05-06 12:33

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Fast pass, dancing," presents an interesting portrayal of a bustling city scene at dawn. The vivid imagery of "pools of shadow" and the sun rising "on strong" creates a sense of urgency and motion. The theme of people searching for a sense of belonging is also well-captured in the line "escaping to the places where they feel they belong."

However, the poem's structure feels somewhat disjointed, with abrupt transitions between images and ideas. It would benefit from additional cohesion and flow between stanzas. Additionally, the line "fhey" in the fifth stanza appears to be a typo and could be corrected to "they."

Overall, "Fast pass, dancing" offers a unique perspective on the early morning cityscape, but could benefit from further development and refinement.

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