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Rocky the racoon!

Submitted by Leslie on Sun, 2023-12-03 11:57

It was a dusky black night
out back in the stix.
Sheriff Buford T Pusser
had been up with the kids.
The wife was in bed,
but something was wrong.
The chickens out back
made a cock a doodle doo sound
When he turned on the porch light,
and ran out to see.
The gals in the hen house
were going crazy.
He pulled out his pistol
and threw open the cage.
To find that old rocky
Had stolen their eggs.
Rocky was in there
With their eggs in a clutch.
He’d been caught red pawed,
But couldn’t say much.
The sheriff cried out
you little son of a bitch,
But rocky left with the eggs
and headed down to the ditch.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2023-12-03 18:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem employs a narrative style with a clear storyline, which is effective in engaging the reader. However, there are several areas that could be improved for better clarity and poetic effect.

Firstly, the rhythm and meter of the poem could be made more consistent. The poem seems to aim for a rhythmic, rhymed style, but the number of syllables per line varies significantly. This disrupts the flow of the poem and can make it difficult for the reader to follow. For example, the line "Sheriff Buford T Pusser had been up with the kids" has significantly more syllables than the line "The wife was in bed," which disrupts the rhythm.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more use of poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, and imagery. While the narrative is clear, the language is quite straightforward and literal, which can make the poem less engaging and evocative than it could be.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more careful word choice. For example, the phrase "you little son of a bitch" may be seen as inappropriate or offensive by some readers. Consider whether this language is necessary for the poem, or if there are other ways to convey the sheriff's frustration and surprise.

Overall, the poem has a clear narrative and a strong sense of character, but could be improved by more consistent rhythm, more use of poetic devices, and more careful word choice.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Sun, 2023-12-03 12:14

Leslie's picture

This is a what if thing, that I'm sure really happens
and the hens in the hen house will never stop squacking.
But there is no moral, no moral at all and good old
rocky was the star of the show. I hope you enjoyed it
for all that its worth. It was fun just to write as a mental
rebirth.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Candlewitch

Sun, 2023-12-03 12:33

Candlewitch's picture
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Oh, how this made me laugh! I really needed that! thank you for this excellent write!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Leslie

Sun, 2023-12-03 15:32

Leslie's picture

So happy to accomodate. That make me smle. thank you
for reading!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Ruby Lord

Mon, 2023-12-04 05:50

Ruby Lord's picture

This was fun to read, I'm sure you had fun writing it. Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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