Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Rise Sun
Your magnificent light
bullies its way through,
to the earth turned face
Of heavy dark clouds.
Your brightness pushes past
their ponderous will.
(what dark vault of sky!)
But continue golden sun, rise,
playing below the horizon
you face is hidden from me.
But rise, rise golden sun;
I would see your face,
I would know your warmth.
I would see autumnal orange
In your golden light:
such richness of color to see.
Rise soft sun, flood my eyes
in your golden light;
turn my head to your high!
O' just flood this heart
In that simple joy to be!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-06-15 00:00
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
It is not feasible to offer feedback.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Sat, 2024-06-15 13:18
In the beginning...
of the fourth stanza, you should let the line begin with "Rise, rise... and the line before should have an [r] at the end of you.
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
tyro
Tue, 2024-06-18 06:20
Hi Geezer
Rise, rise has merit, I will thing on it.. thanks for the comment.
Tyro
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commentLavender
Sun, 2024-06-16 12:40
Rise Sun
Hello, Tyro,
A nice feeling of Shakespeare. I can't help but wonder about the context - I sense that it is a defined exchange, but I'm not certain. I would love to know more! Very intriguing! The second to last stanza: you have used "son" as opposed to "sun" - is this intentional?
I'll be back after your response!
L
tyro
Tue, 2024-06-18 07:20
Hi Lavender
it's just the anticpation, joy and beauty of the sunrise. and yes, son should be sun.
Tyro
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commentLavender
Tue, 2024-06-18 11:08
Hello, Tyro,
Thank you! I absolutely understand now. I think I was searching for some meaning behind "son." I feel the energy and joy in the brilliance of the sun rise. Lovely.
Thank you,
L