The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem presents a compelling narrative of longing for a connection with nature and a critique of societal structures that have led to a perceived disconnection from the natural world. The use of language is evocative and the imagery is vivid, which helps to draw readers into the world the poem creates.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. Firstly, the rhythm of the poem is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for readers. Consider revising the poem to establish a more consistent rhythm or meter. This could involve adjusting the syllable count or restructuring lines to create a more uniform pattern.

Secondly, while the use of complex language and imagery is generally effective, there are places where it feels forced or overly complicated. For example, the phrase "bathe in their spittle salt" is a bit confusing and may detract from the overall message of the poem. Simplifying some of these phrases could make the poem more accessible to readers.

Lastly, the poem's message could be made clearer. While the critique of societal structures and the longing for a connection with nature are evident, the specific critique or solution is not explicitly stated. Consider revising the poem to make the message more explicit, or to provide more context for the critique.

In conclusion, while the poem has a compelling narrative and uses evocative language and imagery, improvements could be made in terms of rhythm, language use, and clarity of message.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

that you are writing about a commune of sorts,
a place where like-minded people can get together and not have to be bound by the conventions of
a Christian church, while still observing the morals governing a basic civilization.
I think I detect the railing against being told by the rest of the world how to behave, and the utter ignorance of
most of the "others" in which we are shown that there is no respect for the natural world.
If it were me, I would try to keep the ideas and lines a bit more plain and short.
This has a Native American feel to it, or maybe an Aboriginal side. I think I get it, but I fear that your wordy style is lost
on your audience. ~ Geezer.
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that you take my criticism as it is meant. You have all the tools to write great poetry. I usually get the gist of your ideas and the point of your work. You also have a great vocabulary. At this point, I would suggest that you switch to better metered delivery.
I think that this might be achieved by using alternate rhyme schemes. ABAB is a good place to start. As you may have noticed, I use ABAB CDCD rhyme schemes most often. Actually, I would study the basic six or seven rhyme schemes, to decide your most preferred. Once you achieve some degree of mastery, you will find that a natural rhythm will occur, and you can use your great vocabulary to better meter. ~ Geez.
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