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NATURES PERFORMANCE

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Mon, 2024-01-22 10:37

The cloak camouflaged smoke-grey sky a
mask above, and the unsteady drunk
trees shedding its coat of gold leaves

scuttling, scraping, skidding to another

location travelling to random places, supported
by the sail of gust like a sailboat unsteady without
a sea captain and no destination

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 01/21/24 to 01/27/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-01-22 16:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem, "NATURES PERFORMANCE." I appreciate your creativity in describing the elements of nature. Here are a few suggestions to consider:

1. Imagery: Your use of imagery is effective in creating a vivid picture of the scene. However, it would be helpful to provide more specific details to enhance the reader's experience. For example, instead of "smoke-grey sky," you could describe the sky as "a cloak of ashen clouds" or "a murky veil of mist." Adding specific details can make the imagery more engaging and memorable.

2. Structure: The poem appears to be written in free verse, which allows for flexibility in form and structure. However, consider experimenting with line breaks and stanza breaks to create a more deliberate rhythm and flow. This can help guide the reader through the poem and emphasize certain phrases or ideas.

3. Clarity: While the poem contains intriguing descriptions, the overall meaning or message may not be immediately clear. It would be beneficial

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Sen99

Wed, 2024-01-24 08:03

Sen99's picture

You have captured some nice imagery in a concise and poetic way, clever word choices especially lines about "drunken trees shedding ..... coat of gold leaves ". Enjoyable and evocative

Jokerface82

Thu, 2024-01-25 05:48

Jokerface82's picture

I'm glad you grasped what I was portraying

author comment

Candlewitch

Thu, 2024-01-25 08:18

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I also very much admired that line...it makes the poem shine!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Jokerface82

Thu, 2024-01-25 21:02

Jokerface82's picture

For reading

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