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My Horror Date Night

Submitted by Ruby Lord on Sat, 2023-10-07 09:47

From nightmares eerie, moonlit glow,
Freddy Krueger and I decide to go,
On a date night unlike any before,
In a realm of terror, we explore.

His clawed hand twisted, sharp and bold,
A scowling grin, hooks secrets untold,
We ran through shadows, claw holding fist,
In nightmarish world, he doth persist.

Beneath the stars, in dark and deep,
We ventured where nightmares creep,
Freddy whispered tales of fright,
As he exhaled horrors of the night.

In phantasy realm, fear takes flight,
We found a strange type of delight,
My date night, macabre and bizarre,
In haunting memory, from years afar.

I dare you to join in dreamer's abyss,
With Freddy K, the delusions exist,
Embrace the darkness, face coldest dread,
On weirdest date night, it’s all blood red.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-10-07 15:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "My Horror Date Night" demonstrates a strong grasp of rhyme and rhythm, which contributes to the overall flow of the piece. The use of vivid and imaginative language effectively creates a sense of eerie horror, which is fitting given the subject matter.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The phrase "hooks secrets untold" in the second stanza is a bit unclear and could benefit from more explicit imagery or explanation. The reader might struggle to understand what is meant by "hooks secrets".

In the third stanza, the line "As he exhaled horrors of the night" could be more impactful with the use of more specific and concrete language. Instead of "horrors of the night," consider describing these horrors in more detail to create a stronger image in the reader's mind.

The last stanza introduces the idea of the "dreamer's abyss," which is an intriguing concept, but it could be more effectively woven into the poem if it were introduced earlier and developed throughout.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent tone. The poem is largely serious and eerie, but the phrase "weirdest date night" in the last line introduces a more casual tone that feels out of place. Consider revising this phrase to maintain the poem's overall tone.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Sun, 2023-10-08 14:59

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Hello, Ruby,
Nicely written! Great rhyme and rhythm! I don't believe I took the tone of the poem quite as seriously as AI. Creepy for certain, though!
Thank you!
L

Ruby Lord

Mon, 2023-10-09 05:27

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Thank you Lavender. I'm sure the Bot has no experience of being scared, it's a human emotion he/she/it will never experience. Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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Triskelion

Mon, 2023-10-09 14:08

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..Freddy Krueger poem I've read yet ..with some really cool lines. S4 is my favourite!

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Ruby Lord

Tue, 2023-10-10 05:22

Ruby Lord's picture

Thank you Thomas for your read and comments. Always good to hear from you. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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