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My Demons
My demons are
ruthless be scared
when they come
into view
These demons need
exercise believe me I
have a few.
The devil is after me
yet I feel fine.
It makes me feel that
hell is going to be
my time to shine.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
swamp-witch
Sun, 2023-03-19 15:17
Howdy Heather,
A belated welcome to Neopoet to you!
Your poem title caught my attention. I definitely can relate to the feeling of battling demons. Sometimes you feel like you're able to walk away, but really they're just letting you *think* that, because they'll catch up sooner or later.
In poetry, I really love what we call enjambment (putting multiple ideas on one line) like you did on the following two lines:
ruthless be scared
exercise believe me I
However, enjambment is definitely a balancing act when it comes to the flow of a poem. In the case of your poem, I believe both of these lines could benefit from punctuation to help the reader pause between the ideas instead of rushing through.
May I suggest:
ruthless; be scared
exercise, believe me, I
Obviously this is your writing and your choice. This is just food for thought if you decide to revise.
Take care,
Kelsey
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