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MOVING TARGET --FINAL RE-WRITE
MOVING TARGET
My mind races
at the speed of light
my body can’t keep up.
I’m left behind.
I push the day
in a heavy mist of grey
of Pain’s slow.
I do and I go
I run
but the terror
like sudden electricity
electric white
kills as it strikes..
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geremia
Wed, 2012-09-19 20:48
Thanks, my friend. It is
Thanks, my friend. It is about all of us
joe
P.S. I need to make some changes in the poem. It's all about change and making it betterm isn't it?
joe
Geezer
Thu, 2012-09-20 03:00
I don't...
know how you could make this better! i especially like the line
" but the terror
like electric white
kills as it strikes."
It seems to me, that being scared is the worst feeling of all.
It overshadows all the other emotions we have.
Many have accomplished much in terror
and terror has destroyed many.
Nice job, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geremia
Thu, 2012-09-20 03:42
Thanks, Gee ; yes, and man
Thanks, Gee ; yes, and man iis the only secies in which emotions linger and aree recalled.
loved
Thu, 2012-09-20 12:53
light is the fastest ....186000 miles per second....
it needs no competitor
it just flashes
so I thought you may edit
a bit!
loved
Geremia
Thu, 2012-09-20 13:05
tHANKS Se mynew post o BLOG :
tHANKS Se mynew post o BLOG :
Ian.T
Wed, 2012-09-26 07:57
Loved
Thought is much faster than light though it doesn't have the same Mass as light does, it is much faster, I have heard that water in a tube if touched at one end it is instantly reacted at the other end, much like thought.
The main thing about thought, it is thought that it doesn't have mass if they prove that, then truly there will be no after life, lol, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Nordic cloud
Wed, 2012-09-26 04:08
I do, I go
I do, I go
and I run
Like the rays of sun through the dust,
we are and we are not. In the flash that is life.
Anni
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Seren
Wed, 2012-09-26 06:35
Dear Joe
Amazing write .... it is nice to read you again ...
Bravo
hugz xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geremia
Wed, 2012-09-26 06:41
So happy to see you again,
So happy to see you again, my good friend,
Seren
Thu, 2012-09-27 07:53
Its wonderful to see you
Its wonderful to see you doing so well your writing is as always spell binding
Hugs
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats