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Moonlight and lies!
Gaelic lady, sweet
but a bit shady
raven hair, with crystal blue eyes
runnin' round town
makin you look like a clown
gigglin' while whisperin'
her little white lies
everythings hazy
she's drivin' you crazy
your down on one knee
on a moonlit night
but then in the mornin'
she'll come around dauntin'
sayin' she's leavin'
for some other guy!
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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
According to my understanding, the people of West Cort Ireland believed that the full moon had power to overcome ones senses.
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South Ogden, Utah
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-02-16 05:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Celtic Moon" presents an interesting narrative of a mysterious Gaelic lady. The poem uses a casual, conversational tone that could be further refined to enhance the overall poetic quality.
The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. The first two lines follow an AABB pattern, but this is not maintained throughout the poem. Consistency in rhyme scheme can enhance the rhythm and flow of the poem.
The poem also uses a mix of formal and informal language. For instance, "runnin' round town" and "makin you look like a clown" are informal and colloquial, while "on a moonlit night" is more formal and poetic. Maintaining a consistent tone throughout the poem could help to create a more cohesive piece.
The narrative could be developed further to provide more depth to the characters and the story. The poem tells the story of a man being deceived by a woman, but it does not delve into the emotions or motivations of the characters. Adding more detail could make the poem more engaging and relatable.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and unique imagery. The use of common phrases such as "raven hair, with crystal blue eyes" and "on a moonlit night" do not provide a unique or memorable image for the reader. Experimenting with more original and specific descriptions could enhance the poem's imagery and make it more memorable.
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Leslie
Fri, 2024-02-16 05:55
Neo
It's good to have this perspective!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2024-02-16 04:00
Dear Leslie,
I think your title does not fit the poem, as it does not reflect a Celtic Moon. Other suggestions: "Shady Lady" or "Celtic Lady" or "Moonlit Night" or "Moonlight and Lies" or "Celtic Magic" for example. I like the poem. I had a friend who was like that, very careless with men's hearts. She even bragged about it. thanks for a good write/read!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Fri, 2024-02-16 05:51
Cat...
I agree whole heartedly and if you don't mind I used Moonlight and lies as per your suggestion.Thanks!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2024-02-16 07:50
Leslie,
You are very welcome!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Fri, 2024-02-16 09:00
Moonlight and Lies
Hello, Leslie,
I think I agree with AI... I'm interested in digging deeper into this character and her sleek movements in the moonlight. It feels like she's somewhat like a cat, smoothly making her way within her surroundings. I like the short version, but I'm really wanting more of this sly lady of the night.
Thank you!
L