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The Moana of Love
I sit here eyes brimming
with the light of the cosmos,
I remember our first kiss
soft as a flannel flower,
I will never stop loving you
Crystalline tears fibril my face
whimpering I crumple inside,
I kept a part of you in me
everywhere you are is here
covertly I yearn for us
Six foot four of funny faces
and here we are streets away,
it may as well be a million miles,
we're confined in our broken oaths
We always flamed in forever
burning down cities with lust,
yet robbing time of want and need
we ran into a crumbled temple
Tender-hearted minute slivers
pierce the soul with moments,
gentle touches of cashmere
remembered my fingertips
I can still taste your mouth
smell the Cool Water on your nape,
hands like dinner plates
strum the dermis of my memory
You hold my past hostage
I'll never know tomorrow
heartbeats peak mountains,
I know you're my bashert
Forever we were married to fate,
obsidian pierces my flesh in lento,
now eternity will find notes of me
seeking for the moana of love.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Another meaning for Moana is "the body of saltwater that covers all of the earth" This predates The Disney Moana that has rather taken over the meaning of it. I found it in an old dictionary I own and didn't realise that this meaning wasn't more widely known. It's actually a quite obscure reference in dictionary over a hundred years old that I own.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Beyond the Black Stump..Australia
Favorite Poets
Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2023-02-13 10:10
But for...
the third stanza, I would have taken this as a love
for the beach or the ocean, maybe even for Aussieland!
Now, the title could be something like "Forbidden Love".
I kept reading...
Now, more certain than ever, I feel it's a romantic heartbreaker!
I kept reading...
This is some great stuff.
But you have a couple of spots I would like to point out.
"whimpering I cascade down," where are you cascading from or to?
"I kept [apart] of you in me. [a part]
" I know [you're] my bashart"
[looking] for the moana of love
Now, you simply have to tell me all about this!
Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Seren
Sat, 2023-02-18 06:43
Dear Bro
I appreciate you reading this one, I'm actually surprised it got as many comments as it did.
I do love the ocean but this is something else entirely.
We will talk on the dog and bone about this one,
Love and higgliest bugs Sis xix
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
author commentRoseBlack
Mon, 2023-02-13 12:15
This is intense
So descriptive and filled with emotion. My favorite stanza is:
You hold my past hostage
I'll never know tomorrow
heartbeats peak mountains,
I know you're my bashert
It jumps right out at me. Well done!
~RoseBlack~
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-02-13 16:24
Not these!
We always flamed in forever
burning down cities with lust,
yet robbing time of want and need
we ran into a crumbled temple
Goosebumps. Frisson.
Tim
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-02-13 18:18
These lines
Are amazing as well! The whole thing leaves you tingling!
~RoseBlack~
Seren
Sat, 2023-02-18 06:53
Dear Tim
Thats what it was it was all fire, if only eh?
hugs thanks for taking the time to read.
Kind regards Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
author commentSeren
Sat, 2023-02-18 06:44
Dearest Carrie
Knowing you as I do I understand why those lines are meaningful to you
thanks for the read and the Well done.
love and biggest hugs Jayne xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
author commentObadiah Grey
Mon, 2023-02-13 13:36
"Six foot four of funny faces
"Six foot four of funny faces
and here we are streets away,
it may as well be a million miles,
we're confined in our broken oaths"
Looks like we all can take something different from your poem, I really like this stanza,
t'huther side o' the stump, Obi.
Seren
Sat, 2023-02-18 06:48
Dear Obi
This is a true story; those lines are a part of who he is.
I think depending on our view we all take something different with us when we leave poems and their stories.
Something that might impact one might not even be a blimp on someone else's radar.
Thanks so much for the visit and the read its much appreciated!
Kind Regards Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
author commentLightning Dust
Mon, 2023-02-13 20:37
Dear OJ
Bloody hell woman, this a master-class of what it's like to lose someone and still after all you'd been through love him.
"What if he knew"
Frigging Bonza!!
Love and hugs L&J
P.s. I emailed that poem to you if you could go over it before I take J out to dinner I would appreciate it.
Seren
Sat, 2023-02-18 06:50
Dear L
What if he knew indeed?
That is the question, but he never will know not from me, i don't destroy lives.
There is more at stake here than just my feelings
love to you and J xox
p.s. I emailed the poem back to you what did you think?
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
author commentSeren
Sat, 2023-02-18 06:52
Dear Kat
We all have our secrets, and this is one of mine, I write about it but that's as far as it goes lol talking about it will never change what is and I think to relive past & lost loves is a futile endeavour, especially in this case.
Thanks for your kind compliment.
hugs and love J x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
author commentlovedly
Fri, 2023-02-24 12:37
Ausie Sis
Your EQ
soars above the clouds
where now he resides
maybe apart from your heart
may be he would still be an integral part
of your loving heart
as still you along with his memory dart
what emotional quotient exhibit
thee on thy part
Hope he is listening and missing
what thou was
a flaming flaring dart
to love is thy art
Seren
Sat, 2023-02-25 22:30
Dear Bro
A Flaming flaring dart to love is thy art, they're beautiful words my friend, you should have deleted them and put them into a poem because they certainly deserve to be so.
Thanks for the visit its always appreciated!
love and hugs Sis
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
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