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THE MIRROR OF SECRETS

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Thu, 2023-11-30 04:09

The shimmering disc shaped moon
The sky was multicoloured punching
Bright like splashed glitter of thrown lights

A breath of wind and honey suckle trees
a new world even brighter a place to
Escape whenever I need. I discovered

an ancient tranquil zen like place a
Portal by falling by mistake through a
whirlpool ancient dusty old mirror

Discovering a secret from my bedroom.
It only speaks to the suffering the hurting

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Neopoem Of The Week November 26th 2023 to December 2nd 2023

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-11-30 10:10

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Mirror of Secrets" explores the theme of escapism and the discovery of a hidden world through a mysterious mirror. The imagery of the shimmering moon and multicolored sky creates a vivid and enchanting atmosphere. The use of "bright like splashed glitter of thrown lights" adds a sense of magical wonder to the scene.

The mention of the breath of wind and honey suckle trees further enhances the imagery and contributes to the idyllic setting of the new world. The idea of finding solace and tranquility in this place is intriguing.

However, the poem could benefit from some clarity and refinement in its structure and language. The lines seem fragmented and disconnected, making it difficult to follow the narrative. Consider organizing the thoughts and ideas in a more coherent manner, perhaps by using stanzas or breaking the lines into smaller, more digestible units.

Additionally, the poem introduces the concept of a portal and a secret discovered through the mirror, but it does not delve deeper into

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-11-30 16:19

This is your best yet

I really like this one. You put a lot of thought and effort into the structure and making the flow easier for your reader. A few minor tweaks with punctuation, capitalization and maybe some rearranging of some words and this would be dynamite. Good job.

~RoseBlack~

Jokerface82

Thu, 2023-11-30 19:36