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LOST AND FOUND

Submitted by Leslie on Wed, 2023-02-15 00:45

LOST AND FOUND

A NEW DAY BEGINS, YOU'RE OFF AGAIN!
DREAMS FOLLOWING WITH THE WIND
AS YOU MAKE A TIMELY GETAWAY
GO, GO, GO AND DON'T COME BACK
UNTIL THE SUN RESTS
AT THE GLITTERING NIGHTS BEHEST
THERE, THERE YOU JUST MIGHT FIND
WHAT IT IS THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
A SEED MAY BEGIN TO GROW
AT THE END OF YOUR RAINBOW
AS EACH AND EVERY NEW DAY
BECKONS YOU THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW!
AND YOUR PERSPECTIVE SLOWLY TURNS!
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I HAVE ENJOYED EVERYTHING TONIGHT! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS! THANK YOU
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

swamp-witch

Wed, 2023-03-29 09:56

swamp-witch's picture
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Aesthetic,

"AT THE GLITTERING NIGHTS BEHEST" is a really beautiful line. I am envious that you wrote it and I didn't (lol)!

Some suggestions:

day begins, you're off --> day begins; you're off
nights behest --> night's behest

My final suggestion is to consider not using all capitals in your poetry. Especially online, all capital letters are usually used as an indicator for shouting and I don't think that is your intention with the poem.

Take care,
Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.

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