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The Lonely Road
what a life of a man'
amidst of thorns
as he journey afar
on a mission of provision
crossing rivers and miles
Lonely and never looks back
claws tearing him apart
he fixes the pieces back
want to cry but in silence
chills up in public
oh' what a life of a man.
And none cares about his hurts
but what he provides,
oh, what a struggle
keeping up with the bills
deny his joy for family still,
express his feelings
liquidly in bars of liquor
while judgements entangles him
for what a life of a man.
paving a way
or paying price away
is but his pride
even self-working to slavery
for the result is what's needed
what a life of a man'
for his secret hides
though behind his smile
don't give up the fight
for a honor is your tithe.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This poem elaborate the tough time many responsible passes through as their responsibility (s)
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-04-17 21:01
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Lonely Road" delves into the struggles and sacrifices of a man as he navigates through life's challenges. The imagery of thorns, rivers, and miles effectively conveys a sense of hardship and perseverance. The repetition of "what a life of a man" emphasizes the theme of resilience in the face of adversity.
However, there are areas where the poem could be strengthened. Consider refining the structure for better flow and coherence. Some lines feel disjointed or could benefit from smoother transitions. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation and grammar to enhance clarity and readability.
Furthermore, explore varying the language and imagery to add depth and complexity to the poem. This can create a more engaging and evocative experience for the reader. Additionally, consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the reader in the emotions and experiences of the protagonist.
Overall, continue to develop the themes and refine the poetic elements to enhance the impact of the poem and create a more cohesive narrative.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Simon
Wed, 2024-04-17 15:03
Al
Okay, that's good
Lavender
Wed, 2024-04-17 17:27
The Lonely Road
Hello, Simon,
So good to see your poetry again! Wonderful, appropriate title. I felt the loneliness and the struggles throughout. The repetition of "what a life of a man" brings depth and great feelings of despair. But your final two lines are the strongest - the acknowledgement of honor. I always enjoy your remarkable work.
Thank you!
L
Simon
Fri, 2024-04-19 12:34
Hi Lavender
Thank you for your breath taking comment I really appreciate it thank you once again.
And nice having you too have a wonderful time.
Geezer
Thu, 2024-04-18 10:19
I'm thinking...
that while it is tough to be a man sometimes, it must be ever so much harder to be a man in a country full of war and strife.
I'm hopeful that you remain safe and manage to thrive. You have a way of expressing honor and hope.
Keep working on your poetry; I am surprised to see that you are still writing. You need to read more of anything in English, and practice, practice, practice.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Simon
Mon, 2024-04-22 04:04
Nice having you
It's been a wonderful thing having your comment to my work,it gives encouragement to me a lot thank you.