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My Favorite Place (at the bar) August contest

Submitted by Simon on Sat, 2022-08-13 02:09

when I'm done working i go chilling
when ever I'm tired
I rest in gazing at people's faces
when I'm angry with myself
I branch there to cool off
while lonely I rush in
for it's noisy and fun

when I'm mad at something
there I go crazy
when I'm happy
again I go celebrating
at my sad moment
I go to get a toast
with my friends we toast
for long life and success
now it seems to be my favorite

when my days get darker
I enlighten up my brain
for the toxic it gives
makes me feel free a moment
but the hangover and headache
those feelings I endure
for it's a memory which never dies

toast to keep the memory alive
toast away the sorrow
do this for the new baby
do it just for fun
for the bar is restful.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Random Challenge # 18
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Jackweb

Sat, 2022-08-27 23:19

Jackweb's picture

One way to approach alcohol is to think about why you want to drink. Will it help you relax and feel good? Or will it make your anxiety worse? Are you using it to cope with personal issues going on in your life?
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Simon

Tue, 2022-09-06 07:49

Simon's picture

Alcohol to some people is nothing but a habit that they can't control or stop, some drinks occasionally and based on their problems but that doesn't mean we are deviating from the poetic rules, poetry itself has more of a rule free that can enable writers to write frequently.
Well, that's for your comment.
I'd rather learn how to fish than beg for a fine.

author comment

Simon

Tue, 2022-09-06 07:49

Simon's picture

Alcohol to some people is nothing but a habit that they can't control or stop, some drinks occasionally and based on their problems but that doesn't mean we are deviating from the poetic rules, poetry itself has more of a rule free that can enable writers to write frequently.
Well, that's for your comment.
I'd rather learn how to fish than beg for a fine.

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2022-09-06 22:30

lovedly's picture

nothing much to say
about any poets wealth

just guess
May you win SIMON

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