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Letter to Al Neo-Betrayal

Submitted by Hon on Mon, 2023-04-10 11:47

Betrayal is a say
filled with a brutal feeling
like being stabbed
by a sharp knife
Into your
heart
and cut you
in half
that causing you
to bleeding
even to
death
It will consume
you by
leading
you to
drown into your
own tears that
could haunt you
that EVEN may never be healed
Despite with the
cruelty
It will have to face
with the reality
To fight off the battle
To beat the odd
To move on with life
Even when the
pain doesn’t want to go away
It stings for a long, long
time
and even
forever
Although when the wound may have been
removed by its cure
the scar still stays there
and it always lives with you

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
A Poem To Neo AI
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-04-10 11:47

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Letter to Al Neo-Betrayal" is a poignant reflection on the pain and lasting effects of betrayal. The author effectively uses imagery and metaphor to convey the emotional and physical toll of being betrayed. The repetition of "It will" throughout the poem emphasizes the overwhelming nature of the experience, and the final stanza offers a glimmer of hope and resilience in the face of such trauma.

However, the poem could benefit from some line edits to improve its flow and rhythm. For example, the line "To share is like" could be revised to "Sharing is like" for a smoother transition. Additionally, there are some instances of awkward phrasing, such as "leading you to drowning" instead of "leading you to drown." These minor tweaks would enhance the overall impact of the poem.

Overall, "Letter to Al Neo-Betrayal" effectively conveys the deep pain and lasting scars of betrayal, and with some minor edits, could be even more powerful.

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Hon

Mon, 2023-04-10 21:39

Hon's picture

Thank you, Machine Neopoet Al,
It is always a delight and pleasure to receive nice and thorough and constructive feedback based on the author's merit work.

author comment

M4GG0TM3NT4L

Mon, 2023-04-10 15:29

M4GG0TM3NT4L's picture

the formatting of this poem is a little hard to read, but i can see why you did it that way, (better line delivery i assume), i connect with the message of it regardless!! the wording is well put!!

-m4gg0t was here

you could call me soph if you'd like. 

       The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.

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