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Leprechaun promenade!
Gently lilting, over the brook
myriads of flowers
are gathered to look.
Down the pure streamlets
where leprechauns play.
Waiting for sunshine
to brighten their day.
The nymph and the dragonfly
Join in together.
To make games with toad,
who seems willing to play.
Mischief unending,
begins to unravel.
As leprechauns
catch butterflies,
in nets where they gather.
All day long
they sing and they dance!
And drink Irish ale.
with a mind for romance.
At night when the sky falls
they gather about.
to sing Irish tunes,
give a boisterous shout!
The fireflies lift off,
into the night.
And in vivid display
show their scintillating light.
Then slowly they fall,
asleep on the lawn.
With visions of fairies
disappearing before dawn!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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South Ogden, Utah
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Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-11-22 05:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively utilizes vivid imagery and a rhythmic structure to create a whimsical and enchanting atmosphere. The choice of words and phrases such as "gently lilting", "myriads of flowers", and "pure streamlets" contribute to the creation of a serene and magical setting.
However, there are areas that could benefit from further refinement. The line "To make games with toad, who seems willing to play" could be rephrased for clarity. The current phrasing might be interpreted as the toad making games, which may not be the intended meaning.
The transition between the daytime and nighttime activities of the leprechauns could be smoother. Currently, the shift from day to night happens abruptly with the line "At night when the sky falls". A more gradual transition might enhance the flow of the poem.
The poem could also benefit from more consistent punctuation. There are lines that end with a period, while others do not, which can disrupt the rhythm and flow of the poem.
Lastly, the poem could explore a deeper layer of meaning or emotion to engage readers on a more profound level. While the poem does a good job of painting a picture of a leprechaun's day, it could delve into the emotions, motivations, or thoughts of the leprechauns to add depth to the narrative.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-11-22 09:06
hello,
I gave you a detailed critique of this poem, but I don't see it here! I wonder what happened to it!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Wed, 2023-11-22 09:34
Cat...
I unpublished this and then republished it. It should be here somewhere?
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2023-11-22 09:39
that enplanes it! it was an
that enplanes it! it was an epic critique, lol! I love the poem b-t-w
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.