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THE LADY OF TATTOO

Submitted by Ruby Lord on Wed, 2023-11-22 11:39

Ink veins running down her arms,
held together in sea side charms.
Two ladies dancing, skip over tide,
Legs akimbo, for arm shaped suicide.

Snaking slowly into a necklace,
Colours run; ink holds tight her face.
Delicately entangled pattern of skin,
Feather boa spreads out thin.

On shoulders, insect wings fly,
in glorious act of soaring high.
As yellow bubbles swim in tandem,
And features inked, in love’s abandon.

Flowered fingers are coded clue,
Initialled partners, she once knew.
Where life moves on, their kiss forgot,
Her famous escorts, no memories hot.

On her breast veils of spider’s silk,
Colours of lust traced to woman’s milk.
The needle inks mirror, broken glass,
And fault line marks her darkest past.

A tree of life or blue love heart,
For many, it is the perfect art.
For others, source of true meaning,
and holy ones, in love of dreaming.

But where we learn what she is not,
Our painted Lady’s not from Shallot.
In her dreams, and symbols new,
She is the Lady of Tattoo.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Last few words:

I wrote this as a tribute/parody (you choose) to the Lady of Shalott and the exploration of women. The woman in Tennyson's poem was depicted outside society, and lived in a narrow world. Dreams, and detachment are shared elements but not all elements are the same. The Lady of Tattoo is a tale of personal expression in the modern day. Ruby :)

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Neopoem Of The Week November 19th to November 25th 2023.

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-11-22 17:40

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "THE LADY OF TATTOO," uses vivid imagery and metaphor to explore the theme of identity and personal history as told through tattoos. The poem effectively uses the tattoos as a narrative device, each one symbolizing a different aspect of the woman's life and experiences.

However, the poem could benefit from clearer transitions between the different tattoos and what they represent. At times, it's difficult to discern when one metaphor ends and another begins. This could be remedied by using stanza breaks or transitional phrases to indicate a shift in focus.

The line "Arms akimbo, and leg shaped suicide" is ambiguous and may benefit from clarification. The phrase "leg shaped suicide" is particularly unclear and may be misinterpreted by readers.

In the line "Her famous escorts, can’t keep her hot," the use of "hot" could be seen as a cliché. Consider using more original language to convey the same idea.

The final stanza is effective in summarizing the poem's theme and tying the narrative together. However, the reference to "Shallot" may be lost on readers who are not familiar with Tennyson's "The Lady of Shalott." Consider providing some context or using a more universally understood reference.

Overall, the poem uses strong imagery and metaphor to explore its themes. With some clarification and refinement, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Wed, 2023-11-22 13:55

Is there...

real lady of the tattoos? I know a lot of women with tattoos, quite a few of the women in my family have tattoos. My wife has some, my sisters and nieces have some and most of the men have some. The women mostly have flowers and children's names, while the men are more of the wife or girlfriend's names, and the usual skulls and biker-type tattoos. Funny how in certain segments of society, tattoos are still a stigma, yet borne with a certain amount of pleasure in secret, covered by clothing. I know some of those too! LoL For the most part, this is a great read, the rhyme is good and the rhythm tight. Nice job!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Ruby Lord

Thu, 2023-11-23 05:21

Hi Geezer, no there isn't

Hi Geezer, no there isn't really a lady of tattoo but I was thinking about The Lady of Shallot poem, because of its musical quality and how women were used to express ideas of art and the feminine.
Tattoos are no longer viewed in a negative light but we still see restrictions applied to women don't we? The butterfly on the shoulder, or bird, an oriental symbol as expression? Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

author comment

RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-11-23 00:00

I love this

I can see the tattoos so clearly. I only have three for now. Two decent size and one smaller. I plan for half sleeves at some point....I think this was a great exploration of women as I also feel tattoos express oneself in ways others can't. Your rhyme and flow was on point as always. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

Ruby Lord

Thu, 2023-11-23 05:25

Hi RoseBlack, thank you for

Hi RoseBlack, thank you for your read and comment, your points are as ever perfect and I appreciate them. The tattoos on womens fingers I found really interesting I think, because they look so delicate and tasteful. Thank you again, Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

author comment

Lavender

Sat, 2023-11-25 20:30