Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Killer Rush (by: eddy styx)
evil permeated
the room...
where they met to seek
and call out the Doom
the sacrifice was
innocent and unaware,
yet he did agree to
the promises of the affair.
for the sweetness,
kiss of needle to skin
the sharpest prick
drove away thoughts of sin.
a vein is struck as
plunger draws liquid surge,
blood flowing into barrel
slowly as drug and soul merge.
eyes roll back in head as he
is one with his addiction
she is his seductress...
his lover and his affliction!
* for Craig & Sherry whom I knew and for anyone who is getting lost...
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
* and for someone whom I cannot mention out of respect.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-02-18 18:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Ultimate Killer Rush" presents a vivid and intense portrayal of addiction. The use of metaphor and personification, particularly in the lines "she is his seductress... his lover and his affliction!" effectively conveys the seductive and destructive nature of addiction.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The current structure seems irregular, which may disrupt the reader's flow. Ensuring a consistent rhythm can help to enhance the overall impact of the poem.
The imagery in the poem is strong and evocative, particularly in the lines "a vein is struck as plunger draws liquid surge, blood flowing into barrel slowly as drug and soul merge." This effectively captures the physical act of drug use and its psychological impact. However, the poem could further explore the emotional and psychological aspects of addiction to provide a more nuanced understanding of the subject matter.
The poem's ending, "* for Craig & Sherry whom I knew and for anyone who is getting lost…" adds a personal touch and suggests a wider relevance. However, it might be more effective to integrate this message into the body of the poem itself, rather than adding it as a footnote.
Overall, the poem presents a powerful exploration of addiction, but could be improved by refining its rhythm and meter, and by further developing its exploration of the emotional and psychological aspects of addiction.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Sun, 2024-02-18 14:04
This hit different
I have never been addicted but am now all too familiar with someone who is. Addiction is a bitch and hurts those around them as much as the person. Such a true write you have created.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-18 15:02
Dear Carrie,
I have been in both positions, and agree with you addiction is a bloody bitch but miracles do happen. One can get clean again. All it takes is the willingness to do it.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentLeslie
Wed, 2024-03-06 06:23
Cat...
I really contemplated deeply on the situation and came to a conclusion. That those who travel to this place are drawn there by mental illness and alot of physical and emotional trauma! The idea of sin didn't really cross my mind. Very expressive and a great write. Thanks!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-03-06 11:34
Dear Leslie,
I have seen men and women of all stages of life have a love affair with the needle. it is sad for those who can only stand and watch. it is usually love that is the redeemer. There is nothing as disheartening then to see a heroin user hit bottom!
Thank you for reading my poem and commenting
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentWilliam Lynn
Wed, 2024-03-06 13:19
Hello Cat.
Hello Cat.
Addiction is a bitch, and everything else you mentioned. Brother in law spent 5 years in prison, got out, clean for another two years and then, went through a substantial inheritance within another two years. Now dead. He was addicted since the age of 14 and never wanted to be anything but "high" by his own admission.
Fortunately I know others that have been clean for years. Yep, they have to want to be clean.
Thanks for sharing. - Will
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-03-06 14:45
Dear Will,
It is very hard for me to understand anyone who willingly throws away their life for a few hours of forbidden pleasure. I detest "H" and I am allergic to Opiates. For pain (chronic) I sometimes have to take oxycodone, which I detest because it dulls my senses and I feel like I am not in control. I am allowed two pills every six hours but I take only one. I have to be in so much agony that am crying. to take a pill,I hate to cry. It has been over a month since I took one, I meditate a lot and listen to music, and write. that usually helps with pain.
thank you for reading and responding to my poem. I should tell you that I was a user of meth amphetamine. I quit using the same way I nixed cigarettes: Cold Turkey... seems like I have to do everything the hard way. Then it sticks, LOL!
I am really sorry about your brother in law. It reminds me of an old Kris Kristopherson song: the first line of the song is: "Billy Dee was 17 when he turned 21."
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author comment