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Keeping after it
Some days weeks even months on end
don’t know if the muse will ever alight again
it’s not as if we are anything like companions or friends
at least not enemies far as this soul can comprehend
Seeds come from somewhere but who can really say
something heard imagined conjured or read
stray kernels traveling over space time from sources long dead
welling up from past lives visions of what lies ahead
Perhaps a different generation an iteration we cannot see
what goes on in other dimensions presuming such there be
will always be subject to wonder guesses mystery
theories conjecture introspection nuance mythology
No idea or clue whether how near or far away
when another rush might come night time or middle of the day
will it be pointless gibberish nonsense ravings of a simple mind
or engaging thoughts new terms words yet undefined
Maybe there’s a chance something with heft will carry enough weight
to be worthy of sticking around for more than a day
long enough to be captured in some useful way
provoking sadness laughter a spark to innovate
Ultimately it matters not if all of it is for naught
striving exercising never giving up help sharpen what’s wrought
though days fall by the wayside weeks months years too
in the end the only person you need to satisfy is you
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-06-18 03:02
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
It is not feasible to offer feedback.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2024-06-18 14:50
I think that...
our AI has had an attack of some kind, or another, like indigestion or something.
One needs some time with this piece, in order to divine the whole of it.
The lines are a little ragged in meter, but I wonder if it may not be necessary, to accept it. I would look at the meter
and maybe decide to trim lines to make them all mostly the same. You can usually get away with a spare beat when the words allow it, but when there are a lot of them... I love all the scenes ignited in my head but found them hard to keep them corralled.
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Richard Milne
Tue, 2024-06-18 15:37
Appreciate your response
I always value comments such as yours that demonstrate someone took the time to really ponder what was written, beyond a cursory run through. I agree that some of it is ragged, and the meter skips and drags. In my head it plays out more effectively, but I get it can be cumbersome. Ultimately my style is what it is, clearly not for everyone. It often just comes tumbling out without, as the saying goes, rhyme or reason. I also agree with whomever said that a poem is never finished, only abandoned; my stuff is often in a state of flux, and I'll make changes days weeks even years later. I'll keep your wise words in mind as I continue to write, and again, I thank you for your instructive and insightful feedback.
author commentRichard Milne
Tue, 2024-06-18 18:12
P.S.
As you indicate, not sure what is up with the AI -- it's not "down" as I see an AI comment on someone else's poem today. I suspect it has a staid "formula" for analyzing works that cannot comprehend anything that doesn't fit inside a box, or whatever its preset parameters are. It has told me on my last 8 to 10 posts that it is "unable" to comment. For purported artificial "intelligence," it doesn't seem to have much of it.
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2024-06-20 08:54
Yes...
it is true, from what I have read about AI critique and comment, elsewhere, they do have preset parameters and as we change them, to try and get more out of it, sometimes we get less. Not to say that they are useless, but we must be aware that they have limitations. I'm hoping that we can have a better version in the near future. The old maxim, that you can't please everyone all the time, holds true, so I am thinking that we should try for the most possible, and hope that the majority of our poets fall within the guidelines and parameters. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Richard Milne
Fri, 2024-06-21 14:23
Thanks again...
..for responding.
author commentLavender
Tue, 2024-06-18 14:54
Keeping After It
Hello, Richard,
To be ready and on the lookout for your muse - provoking a reaction or response from another person, ultimately yourself. Interesting rhyme pattern which gave me pause to think over your theme. Many times I understand the lack of punctuation, but I'm wondering if it would make it a bit easier for the reader if punctuation was used in this particular piece. Look forward to your response!
Thank you!
L
Richard Milne
Tue, 2024-06-18 15:56
Thank you Lavender
I really appreciate your comments and agree that punctuation can be a huge help to enable readers to navigate through a piece. Its perhaps ironic that in my professional life I have been an editor for many years and very conscious about appropriate punctuation (without overdoing it as I've seen some do). For a long time I have consciously avoided punctuation marks in most of my poetry -- probably to its detriment at times -- because its absence seems freeing and enables the word to flow (or not) without artificial constraint. At the same time I get exactly what you are saying, and may have to be more attentive to accessibility. I think it's fine generally to write only for yourself (as the poem says) and not care what others think or whether they can get through it, but then what is the point of posting works in a forum like this if those who read it find it inaccessible. So again, thank you for your comments, which are spot on.
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