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"if"

Submitted by Seren on Sun, 2023-02-12 10:23

If my tears were goodbye letters
Dad, I'm sending ten thousand more
If my heartache were an operetta
Dad, I've written a million scores

If waves of grief crash and dump me
Dad, I'll paddle Tsunami's to shore
If I could turn back time and space
Dad, I'd fly you right to my door

If the stars were openings to heaven
Dad, I'd blast with SpaceX and I'd soar
If my singing could reach your ears
Dad, it's vibrato would be heard in Timor

If my prayers ever reach the God's minds
Dad, I'd tell them how much you're adored
If now and then I mourn your passing,
Dad, I just wish we had more hours before

If you can hear these pleas in paradise
Dad, this love is straight from my core
If I ever see your beloved face again
Dad, I tell you the water will pour

If I have with finality, to say adieu
Dad, I'll be weeping and beating the floor
If I simply can't bear to let you go
Dad, it's because my soul had a rip and it tore

If I had to describe you to someone
Dad, you'd be the hero of historied folklore
If I told them of your compassion
Dad, they'd honour you, bow and applaud

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
My Dad was a quiet achiever he worked his whole life right up to his 89th year. He was still mowing the church lawns with a push mower at 89 until we said NOPE that's enough Da. He was president of the Rotary club for many years and every year he received honours for his charitable works in the community. He received the highest honour the Paul Harris Medal. It's an international award and not once did I ever hear my father tell someone he'd won it, he was humble and compassionate and when he retired as is required at 65 from Rotary he moved on to join the Lions Club, Probus Club and continued to raise money for many charities over the years. Dad was a devout Christian and was an Elder in the church. His ashes were interred in the columbarium at the local church with a quiet dignified service of thanksgiving. His funeral proper was in May but the interment was Saturday. Dad never hit me and only yelled at me once for gouging the side of his beloved Holden HQ Ute with my VK Commodore. He had a panel beating business so it cost nothing to fix but Holy Moley was he annoyed with me that day lol he forgave and even apologised for yelling at me. Which is nuts I was profusely apologising to him, smh. He truly was the best man I've ever known. I was proud to be his daughter and I'm still raw with grief. So just bear with me.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week February 12th to February 18th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 10:40

Seren's picture

I really struggled with the title of this, "if" or "Dad or "Ballad of What Ifs" are some I've thought of.

I don't know I am tired and can't think lol.

thanks in advance.

apologies for using the comment section for this message but the last words were a little full LOL

kindest regards to all Seren/Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Geezer

Sun, 2023-02-12 10:53

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sometimes, in this lonely, hard, cruel world; there comes to be, men and women like your father and my mother. We write poetry about them, and sing their praises, but somehow, there is a certain hollowness in our own ears about it, like we could never manage to get all and every wonderful quality about them, down on paper. I understand... Love and higgest bugs,
your American Bro. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 12:59

Seren's picture

I can't sleep my heads buzzing like a swarm of bee's. Makes it hard to sleep.

The generation of Men and woman like my Dad and your Mum is diminishing and slowly we are losing them. This one came to me in the hospital I had to borrow pencil and paper lol they thought wtf is she doing, I hope I pulled off the repetition. That's my main concern. I can never judge for myself.

I'm letting out the grief in small bursts, I get overwhelmed easily still after nine months.

Higgliest bugs of love your Aussie Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Candlewitch

Sun, 2023-02-12 11:04

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I know you are having a really hard time of it right now. you do your dad great justice with this hard, but love crafted piece of work! your heart will always be with him, that is for sure. He was a great man and father, in anybody's book, I am glad you had him in your life. maybe he is the great love of your life? I love the poem and I know he would, too. he can be very proud of you!

* love, Sis

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 13:15

Seren's picture

It's been rough but I always think there is someone out there doing it so much harder. Counting the blessings I do have. Though I could do without the constant thumping in my head. Lol..

He was the best man I ever knew he wasn't perfect. But he was perfectly flawed. I miss him so much. I am chuffed you think I did him proud I was a mess of doubt before I posted this morning. I was worried I hadn't pulled off the repetition.

Love you Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Lightning Dust

Sun, 2023-02-12 12:01

Lightning Dust's picture

I like the title as is. You write with auch elegance and love, you have done your Dad proud. You always underestimate yourself! You're a fine writer OJ.

I think this is a Bonza poem. Your dad is beaming down at you he would be puffed up with pride. I know I am.

Love from us both L&J

Seren

Sun, 2023-02-12 13:25

Seren's picture

Awww thanks for such a beautiful complement, you know me if I was a Mr Men or in my case I'd be, Miss Doubtful.

Hope the job went well I will chat to you after your had a rest I'll fill you in and catch you up.

I am super chuffed you think it's OK thanks so much for the visit and the read. I look forward to your next poem I hope you've had time to work on it.

Love to you both OJ xoox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Rosewood Apothecary

Sun, 2023-02-12 18:44

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I though the poem was an incredible elegy for a very humble and generous man. I feel the heartache still clinging to the words. My heart goes out to you.

Tim

Seren

Mon, 2023-02-13 20:21

Seren's picture

Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I only ever want to honour him and make him proud. I don't know that the grief ever goes away. I think something rips the soul to accommodate the loss, I will miss him always he was the one man who made me feel special cherished and always accepted me warts and all.

Hugs Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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Seren

Mon, 2023-02-13 20:26

Seren's picture

My Dad was the quiet achiever who worked like a draught horse and never let me fall away even when I gave up on life. He gave me the courage just be. Me.

He did so much for so many people who will never know his name. I grew up and we all sponsored immigrants to our country, one woman Adriana was from Mexico and she was the first one to open my 13yr old eyes to the fact that in other countries the violence and the absolute rights we take for granted are not something that was universal. He opened our home and our hearts to the world. I do that in his honour still.

Thanks so much for the read and the kind comment.

Hugs Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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RoseBlack

Sun, 2023-02-12 21:24

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Your father sounds like an incredible man and this was a beautiful tribute. Your grief is felt in every word. Hugs!

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Mon, 2023-02-13 20:30

Seren's picture

He was simply and without a doubt compassion in action. To his family and to the community.
I was so blessed to have him as my father.

Thanks for your kind words. I truly appreciate them.

Love & biggest hugs Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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