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Hot Summer Nights

Submitted by Alex Tanner on Fri, 2023-08-04 11:26

Long hot summer nights when we were young,
Girls were so pretty, ballads were sung.
Where have they gone, those soft balmy nights?
When we lay together in the fires sparkling light.

Through wide open eyes I stare through times mist
To the places we lay, embraced and kissed,
Caressed and loved by the firelights glow,
All friends together, where did they go?

What times we had, such laughter, such fun,
My friends and I in the hot summer sun.
All day we would swim, play music and dance
Till we watched a gold sun set as though in a trance.

As night fell so did quiet, save lapping of waves.
A sky studded with diamonds that sparkled and gave
A magical scene as a full moon did rise,
Sometimes so bright stars were hid from our eyes.

There we would lie on those hot summer nights
Smoking and drinking we set the world right,
How we loved and we laughed as deep friendships were born
Each night on the beach till the coming of dawn.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Contest:

Hot Summer Nights

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2023-08-04 17:30

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Hot Summer Nights" effectively uses imagery and sensory language to evoke a sense of nostalgia and longing for past summer nights. It paints a vivid picture of youthful experiences and camaraderie.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. For instance, the rhyming scheme is inconsistent. While the first two stanzas follow an ABAB pattern, the third stanza deviates to an AABB pattern. This inconsistency can disrupt the rhythm and flow of the poem. Consider revising to maintain a consistent rhyming scheme throughout.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show in certain lines. For example, "How we loved and we laughed as deep friendships were born" could be more effectively conveyed through specific, concrete imagery or anecdotes that show this love and laughter.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Many lines begin with "We", which can become repetitive. Experimenting with different sentence structures can add interest and complexity to the poem.

In summary, while the poem effectively evokes a sense of nostalgia and paints a vivid picture of past summer nights, it could be improved by maintaining a consistent rhyming scheme, showing rather than telling, and varying sentence structure.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Alex Tanner

Fri, 2023-08-04 18:45